Tsubasa KuroFai: 100 Themes!
by A Someday Dreamer
Summary: I found the 100 themes challenge on deviantart and decided that I would take a shot at it, and obviously I chose my fave pairing, KuroFai...It's rated for language and eventual sexual content. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!
1. Chapter One: Introduction

**AN/ 100 themes challenge with KuroFai! Yay! XD Though this may take a while as there will be 100 chapters oO lolz, anyhoo, on with chapter one!**

**Title of Chapter One: Introduction**

**Disclaimer: Do not own anything but the plot.**

**oOoOoOo**

'_Ka Ching!' _"Thank you for your purchase! Have a nice day!" Kurogane scowled at the cashier as he swiped his purchase from the boy and headed for the automatic doors. Today was just not right, he couldn't put his finger on what could possibly be wrong, but he just _knew _that something was going to happen, and that it would change his life drastically from that moment on...whether it was a good change or not he didn't know. And quite frankly, he didn't want to know.

As the dark haired man walked down the street, he blinked when a single drop of water hit his nose, he glanced up and suppressed an annoyed growl. "Fuck." It just had to rain didn't it? Fucking weather. Glaring at the sky for a moment as the little cool droplets pelted him he began a steady jog, but he wasn't fast enough for the gentle drizzle had quickly become a downpour. Cursing colorfully under his breath Kurogane turned into a small cafe that he had nearly passed and collapsed into the first chair that was caught in his gaze.

Taking a deep inhale Kurogane glanced out the window next to the table he sat at to watch the rain. "Son of a-"

"Um, Hello!" His head jerked to face forward, his eyes landing on the one who had addressed him. He blinked. Though he knew the voice belonged to a rather young man he had nearly assumed the one sitting in the seat across from his own was a woman, but upon further inspection he was indeed a man. Kurogane frowned as a wide smile spread across the young blonds face. His eyes were an icy blue, though they seemed warm, and his hair was a pretty blond.

"What?!" the muscle underneath his right eye twitched violently when the anonymous blond man across from him giggled amusedly...wait, giggled? Kurogane raised a dark brow. "What the hell is so funny?!" receiving a smile in return at first the mystery blond leaned forward and rested his folded arms on the table top in front of him, still smiling brightly at Kurogane.

"Nothing!" he exclaimed cheerily. Kurogane scowled at the annoying blond and turned back to the window, dropping his bag next to his chair his focus turned to the continuing storm outside. This was just fucking great, this was the last time he trusted that god damned weatherman! Watching the dark clouds roll across the sky and pour freezing sheets of rain down upon the earth, it only registered slightly in his mind that the blond across from him was staring. Growling softly in annoyance, Kurogane turned back to him and glared.

"What the hell are you staring at?! And why are you still sitting there?" At first the blond looked surprised, then the smile reappeared.

"Well actually, I was sitting here first...so shouldn't _I _be asking you that question?" Kurogane's lips pressed into a thin line and his eyes narrowed. The stupid blond was right. Heaving a small sigh Kurogane grabbed his bag and made to stand, but before he could a hand reached out and grabbed hold of his sleeve. Blinking twice he frowned before looking up into the icy blue eyes of the blond, who was holding steadfastly to his-nearly soaked through-sleeve.

"What now!?" It nearly sounded like he had barked at the blond, but the man did nothing but smile warmly up at Kurogane, and tug slightly on his sleeve.

"You don't have to leave, you can sit with me if you want!"

"Why the hell would I want to stay with you?!" Though his tone sounded angry there was a way-to-obvious hint of curiosity in his question. The raven haired man spotted a small flicker of hurt in the blonds eyes and briefly wondered if he should apologize, but dismissed the thought immediately.

"Well it is raining pretty hard out there and I wouldn't mind some company, oh! Yes, what's your name?" Taking a moment to consider whether he should tell this possible serial killer his name, Kurogane kept his suspicious gaze on the smiling blond. At a small attempt to pull his sleeve away he tugged his arm back, but the blond didn't let go. Biting back a soft annoyed growl the raven man sat back down and dropped his bag next to his feet once again and folded his arms across his chest.

"Kurogane..."

"Hm?"

"My name is Kurogane."

"I'm Fai! How was your day Kuro-sama?" Kurogane cocked an eyebrow. Kuro-sama? Was this guy for real? And why the hell was he asking about his day? 'Either he's some psycho genius or he's just plain weird...'

As the pair talked, they sipped coffee and talked of old memories nearly long forgotten. Kurogane found out that Fai was actually the owner of the small cafe that he found himself visiting often. And at one of the rare days when it was pouring outside, and they were sitting in a comfortable silence at the very same table they sat at the first day they met, Kurogane found himself staring at the heavy sheets of rain that smacked the ground flooding the streets just outside the window and smiled to himself. Maybe rain wasn't so bad after all.

**END OF CHAPTER ONE...**

**oOoOoOo**

**AN/ Yay done chapter one!! X3 I hope you guys like it, I know it isn't my best but I thought it was cute and I just hope my next chapters are better... Anyhoo;**

**READ AND REVIEW! REVIEWS MAKE A STARVING WRITER WORK FASTER! X3**


	2. Chapter two: love

AN/ Okay here is chapter two for the 100 themes challenge, I hope that I get some pretty rockin' reviews for this fic

**AN/ Okay here is chapter two for the 100 themes challenge, I hope that I get some pretty rockin' reviews for this fic!**

**Chapter Two: Love**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or the anime they originated from.**

**oOoOoOo**

It was odd…Kurogane couldn't remember when this feeling had showed up, or even why…he didn't even know what it was, and all he knew about it was that it showed up whenever the blond idiot was around, or when he was thinking of him… which was-oddly enough-quite often.

At first the idiot was just plain annoying, with his 'Hyuu's!' and his stupid nick names and playful banter…but somewhere between the moment the two met with the dimensional witch and in Outo country, Kurogane began to…_feel _something for the blond wizard. And god _damned _was it annoying! It made him want to destroy something…or kill someone, but then he'd get weaker, and wouldn't do at all.

But the one thing that annoyed Kurogane the most wasn't the nicknames or the teasing (though that did piss him off quite a bit) but the lies. Though the magician was smiling and playing and laughing, it was never genuine. He smiled and laughed and played to mask his pain, and Kurogane had the sneaking suspicion that he was the only one who saw through his moronic mask. God only knew why.

Kurogane would go through his day trying his best to pretend this feeling wasn't nagging at him to do things that he would never do openly and especially not to that blond idiot…or so he kept telling himself. Though the mage made it increasingly difficult to push back the temptation, it almost seemed like he was flirting, like he was trying to get Kurogane's attention. Eventually certain…_thoughts_ began to enter through Kurogane's mental barriers. Thoughts like, 'He's kinda cute…' but the minute those thoughts shone through he reeled them back and locked them away. Really the last thing he needed right now was to get distracted by such asinine thoughts. The wizard? Cute? Ha! He must be going crazy…he was just an annoying idiot. And that was that. End of discussion…period.

Plus he was a guy, another MAN! He couldn't be thinking about another dude like that, seriously he was as straight as an arrow…yeah.

But lately the magician had been rather cold to him. Speaking his name without the sometimes insulting endearments…and his tone was almost always flat and uncaring; nowadays he would only smile for the princess. And it was really starting to tick the ninja off. Without noticing it they had become so close, but now they were being wrenched apart by the one that pulled them together in the first place. Kurogane hated to admit it, but the blond's sudden coldness toward him hurt, the stinging sensation in his chest was not at all pleasant. He saved that bastards life! He should have been thanking him! Not looking at him with nothing but empty coldness in those icy blue eyes, he should be glad. Why the hell would he want to die so bad when he knows there are people who would hurt when he did? Did he simply not care? Kurogane remembered that he had once told the mage something, that he hated people who did not value there own lives…and apparently that meant he hated Fai.

But now he and the wizard were bound together, and though the mage was cold and angry, the ninja would rather put up with a ticked off Fai than a dead one. Because a dead Fai meant tears, and he didn't know how to deal with those…this, at least, was easier.

That was only his first sacrifice, and the only one that pissed the magician off. Kurogane's second sacrifice scared the living shit out of him. Unable to reach them with his own magical powers to blame, Fai urged them to continue on without him, that he would be fine…but Kurogane was stubborn, he wanted to find a way, _any_ way to bring Fai with them, so when a voice soft and urgent spoke to Kurogane, he took its advice. Unsheathing Sohi with amazing speed Kurogane sliced through his shoulder, and cut off his own enchanted left arm. Dropping the sword he used the very little strength he had left from resisting the urge to scream bloody murder at the pain that shot through his whole body like white lightning, Kurogane reached out and pulled Fai with them just in time. But then his vision went black, but he could still feel. Someone was holding him, clutching onto his aching, bleeding body. He slowly peeled open his blood red eyes, and stared up into a pair of bloodshot blue, the pain and fear on the wizards face made his heart throb in his chest and a small smirk to pull at the corner of his chapped lips. The tears hit his face as he listened to the mage scream at him to live, as his eyes slowly slid shut once again, and then the world went black a second time, only…the voices faded away, leaving only silence.

Apparently it had been days later when he finally woke up, his left shoulder and side were heavily bandaged and he felt numb, but knew that it would only be temporary. As he lay there alone he looked around and recognized nearly everything. Were they in Nihon? Finally, he was _finally _home! Wait, what about Fai? Where was the idiot…then Kurogane remembered, the last thing he saw before he blacked out were the bloodshot teary eyes of the magician holding him tightly as if that might save his life. He felt warmth flood through him, Fai had cried for him…had feared his death. It seemed strange though, Fai could care less if he died but he cared if others died…this was just downright confusing. Especially because he had cried for _him_, though his words had been cold and his eyes hollow of mirth and amusement, he received nothing but angered glares and hollow glances from the wizard, and yet…he had cried for him. The one who saved him, not once, but twice…the one who prevented the death he had wished upon himself. Kurogane had taken that from him, but he still cried. Did that mean that he still cared? That all of those cold stares and that biting sarcasm were all a disguise? Like the cheerful mask he once wore? All of these questions were confusing him but they needed to be answered. When the dark haired ninja attempted to shift to the left he felt something tighten around his right hand. Opening his eyes Kurogane glanced up only to have his eyes lock onto sad, worried, guilty blue eyes. Fai's flaxen hair was slightly matted and there were dark rings beneath his eyes. And for a moment they just stared at each other, Kurogane taking in the appearance of the worn magician and Fai wondering-no, _hoping _that this was all just some horrible nightmare, that he would wake up at any moment and things were they way they were before, the teasing and nicknames and the shouting and chasing and the playful flirting…he wanted it all back. He regretted treating the ninja the way he had, but he knew he had to keep him at arms length…but maybe that was worse.

"You'd better appreciate this…Fai" the blue eyes widened and his grip on Kurogane's only remaining hand faltered slightly for only a moment. Kurogane watched with curious eyes as Fai sat down on the bed next to him his thin hand gently stroking his only remaining hand.

Before Kurogane could say anything Fai had carefully laid down, the hand not holding the ninja's wrapped loosely around his waist and his cheek pressed against his firm chest, listening to his heartbeat and his steady breathing.

"Everyone…who ever get involved with me gets hurt…I," his voice was so weak, Kurogane actually felt a pang of worry for the mage. Had he gotten any sleep? Had he even eaten? Oh, yes forgot…he could only drink Kurogane's blood. Damn! He hadn't eaten in days! No wonder he was so exhausted. "I make everyone miserable…it's entirely my fault, so I…tried to push you away. I didn't want to hurt you Kuro-tan." Were his ears deceiving him? Had the annoyingly cold wizard just used a nickname? Suddenly, Kurogane knew…he knew what that feeling deep in his chest was whenever Fai was around, whenever he thought of him, whenever he laughed or played or sang…whenever he flirted, and the pain when he was cold and uncaring. He knew what it was….

"Fai…" Kurogane watched as Fai slowly lifted his head to look at the ninja properly and gasped in shock when Kurogane had lifted his right hand from his grip only to grab a hold of Fai's shirt collar and yank him-rather roughly mind you-forward, their lips connecting forcefully. Fai's eyes were wide with shock and amazement as his heart raced and all sound was drowned out by the sound of his own pulse thundering away in his head. After a moment Kurogane let go, and allowed Fai the privilege to breathe properly again as he stared up at the shocked mage with soft, blood red eyes.

"W-What…?" Fai sounded so breathless, Kurogane loved his voice like that, and hell he loved him all together. He _loved _Fai. He loved him.

"You listen to me," it was a command and it seemed to startle Fai further but Kurogane kept going. "I chose to do this to myself, I chose to give you my blood and I chose to give up my arm for you none of this is your fault…if anything its my own. So don't you _dare _give me that bullshit that you're to blame." He paused and took in the startled wizard's reaction before continuing. "And even though I don't understand why you want to die so badly, I will never accept it...you must know by now I am a terribly selfish man, therefore I will continue to save your life until it kills me, I don't care if you hate me for the rest of our lives you're gonna live, got that?!" The single blue eye that stared almost transfixed on Kurogane's determined gaze was wide with amazement and shock. As though it were hard to comprehend that the injured ninja would say such things. Why would he even want Fai alive in the first place? Fai was supposed to be nothing to him, so why did he care? Maybe he had gotten closer that he thought he had. Well that was just peachy.

There was a long stretch of silence between the two as Kurogane gripped onto Fai's hand, surprised that the mage hadn't pulled away, but rather gripped back, but only loosely.

As they sat in a slightly uneasy silence Kurogane took in a deep breath, which made Fai look up into the shinobi's face and was surprised to see such a forlorn and worn expression on the man. He seemed...tired, and pained. Fai offered him a small smile, fake of course. He hadn't even graced Kurogane with one of those since only god knows when. It relieved the ninja, in a sense.

"Are you alright, Kuro-sama? You aren't acting yourself" the small smile was still there as Fai's one good eye focused on Kurogane's face. Suddenly showing a very slight hint of nervousness, he had tried to pretend that what had happened before Kurogane's little speech just...well hadn't happened. He couldn't believe that the ninja was in his right mind or else he would not have done such a thing. Fai blinked when the grip on his hand loosened, though he didn't let go. And when he looked into Kurogane's eyes, he saw something there that he hadn't seen there before. It was...

Fai's breath caught in his throat as Kurogane's lips parted and he spoke...

"I love you." And time seemed to stop, and Fai could have sworn that hell itself had frozen over. Love..._love_. He _loved __**'Fai'**_. No. No way... It couldn't be. He couldn't believe it, he _wouldn't _believe it! _No!_

"NO!" When Fai made an attempt to yank his hand from Kurogane's grip the loose grip had tightened like a vice around his thin pale hand. Fai stared in horror at the ninja as his expression hardened, keeping Fai in front of him cowering like a terrified kitten. His only eye was wide with horror and his whole body was trembling like mad. Kurogane was confused, why would Fai be scared? He thought the reaction he would receive when he confessed would be an angry one, or a sad rejection…or a slightly better reaction. But he never expected this.

"Y-You c-can't! Y-You'll…!" Fai seemed to be struggling to finish the sentence as he weakly attempted another escape, but to no avail. When he finally stopped struggling he looked away, fear and sorrow etched into his every expressive movement.

"I'll what? Die?! I told you already I don't give a rat's ass if I get hurt as long as you are okay! I don't even care that you don't return my feelings," lies, he did care…_a lot_. But he wasn't going to say that, the wizard would just hate him more. "So stop feeling sorry for yourself, what happened to me wasn't your fault…" as he spoke his words got softer and voice took on a gentle tone. "I love you Fai, nothing you say to me, and nothing you could ever do to me will ever change that. Hell you could kill me and I'd still feel that way."

An even longer and more awkward silence followed after that. Fai didn't know what to do, the man he had watched for so long, had once teased and angered and flirted with was lying right in front of him, holding his heart open for him, for once not caring if the wizard simply crushed it in his palm. It would be that easy…but, Fai was unsure. And Fai knew, he would never do that to him…because, he loved him too.

Fai's eyes suddenly glassed over with fresh tears and allowed his eyes to flutter shut as they began to spill over and stream down his alabaster cheeks. To say that the ninja was shocked would be an understatement. Why in the hell was that blasted mage crying? Had Kurogane even seen him cry before? The ninja had blinked no more than twice when he realized that Fai had climbed back onto the bed, and had lifted his remaining hand up to his chest and was clutching to it tightly.

"Fai…?" The blond wizard sighed and bowed his head, the hot tears dripping from his chin and onto Kurogane's arm.

"E-Everyone, who ever gets involved with me ends up dead, I…I don't want you to die Kuro-rin! That's why I was pushing you away! I wanted you to be safe, and happy…you don't know how much it hurt me to say those horrible things to you, to see the pain you were feeling whenever we made eye contact, even for a moment. It hurt so bad…" Fai paused, taking a deep but shaky breath. He looked up, and locked gazes with the ninja, blood red meeting bloodshot blue…and the tension lifted. "I…I-love you too…Kuro-wan." The silence that now engulfed them was no longer thick with tension, but light. Slowly, but surely, a small almost unnoticeable smile graced Kurogane's lips. His hard gaze softened, and his fingers curled around Fai's shirt. Fai didn't notice this until he was suddenly thrust forward landing with an 'oomph!' on Kurogane's chest. Blinking twice he looked up and Kurogane was pleased to see a light blush color the alabaster skin of Fai's face. It was quite an endearing expression that he wore. But Before Fai could question him; he was pulled upward and forced into another kiss. But this one he settled into, this one was soft and warm. Fai managed to scoot forward slightly his thighs on either side of Kurogane's temporarily immobile legs, his long lanky arms snaking around the ninja's broad shoulders as Fai pressed forward urging Kurogane to deepen the kiss, but before it could go any further Kurogane broke the kiss, both of them were panting heavily. And when he smirked up at the blond wizard Fai blushed heavily, his cheeks clashing magnificently with his flaxen hair, which was curled in odd places and framed his face perfectly.

"K-Kuro…Kuro-rin," Fai felt so light headed, and was sure that his breathlessness had pleased the ninja, who still held him down his right hand slowly slipping down his back to slowly knead his bottom. Burying his face in the ninja's neck Fai let out a small moan of pleasure as the kneading continued, his lips were pressed against the ninja's still steady pulse. But as suddenly as the hand had started it had stopped, sliding back up his spine slowly making Fai shiver with delight. "Kuro-tan…?"

When he looked up, Kurogane craned his neck forward, and placed a butterfly kiss on the tip of his nose. Fai's cheeks, which had gone down a few shades from before flared immediately. Kurogane chuckled, with that incredibly hot smirk still plastered to his face.

"Love ya, idiot." In hearing the old insult, which had turned into a sort of pet name for Fai he smiled. It was small, but it was a smile…a genuine one. And it was just for him.

"Love you too, Kuro-pu!" with a not so innocent gleam in his eye, Fai took his chance and pounced on the ninja who let out a startled yelp upon being pushed down into the firm mattress. Kissing like there was no tomorrow, Kurogane and Fai held hands as they fell asleep together that night. They dreamed of each other. And their new found _love_.

_Owari…_

**oOoOoOo**

**AN/ Doneski! Read please and reviews would be nice!**


	3. Chapter 3: Light

AN/ Yay

**AN/ Yay! Chapter three is up baby! XD Oh, and just to tell you, each chapter is a different short story no two will ever be completely linked to each other okies? Anyhoo, on with the chappy! **

**Chapter Three: Light **_**/ Summary: **__It always seemed out of his reach, to far for him to stretch out and touch…with darkness ruling his heart, he wished only for a small flicker of light in his blackened soul. And then he finally found the light he wished for in the most unexpected place._

**Disclaimer: Do not own. **

**oOoOoOo**

Happy…that was one word that could never describe me. Cheerful, bright, wonderful…those were all bad words too. Dark, yeah…that one fit perfectly, just like the darkened gloves on my hands. I was dark, but not obvious.

A lot of the time the darkness is tempting, hiding in it is so easy and it can sometimes numb the pain. But it doesn't last forever. But then again what does?

Sometimes I just wish I had never receded into the dark, but getting too close was not an option. I don't like hurting people.

As I sit in the dark I reach out, but my arms are too short to reach the light. If only my fingertips could brush it and give me that feeling of warmth once again even for a moment, then maybe I could live without much regret. I could live without hating myself. I could live.

I could look around but all I would see would be more darkness, not the best view especially if you've been seeing nothing but that for most of your ultimately pathetic life. But I still reach, because I know that the light is in there somewhere. And each time I am met with nothing but the stinging, icy cold of the darkness that envelope my darkened soul. I am tainted. But I do not wish for purity, because I know it will never come to me. The warm touch of light is all I want.

I am a bad person, though I long and ache for the light I seem to be pushing it away. I shouldn't have gotten so close to it anyway, I was a fool to believe that maybe the light could take away my pain, and the horrible numbness in my chest where my heart once laid. I was a fool for reaching out in the first place.

Though I resided in the dark, the light was what turned me into a monster, a creature that belonged in the dark. Living on the life of the light which I came to detest, it was despicable, because I deserved this, because now I resemble that which I live. But…I never detested the light. In fact, I _wished _for it. Wished for the light to reach out to _me _and take me into its warm embrace. Oh how good that would feel. But when the light finally reaches out for _me_, I pull back. And retreat into the shadows of my soul once again. Because I realize, that getting close to the light would taint it. And that is the last thing I want.

So I push away, always keeping the light at arms length. It's odd, after all this time of reaching out to it, the light finally reaches for me and I push away. Life could be so cruel. It hurt.

While I sit in the darkness I look and see the light fading away. Fear encased my very being as I screamed and reached out desperately, watching in horror as it fades away. Suddenly the light bursts forth, and envelopes me completely, the darkness that had surrounded me disappearing.

As I stared into the eyes of the light, I could only watch, as it smiled at me…and held me close. Now, I was happy… Because I had my light.

**oOoOoOo**

**AN/ yay! Chapter three up! Can you guess who the light is? And can you guess who's pov this is? Take a guess in your reviews please!! XD**


	4. Chapter 4: Dark

AN// Yay for chapter four

**AN// Yay for chapter four! XD This was a bit difficult seeing as how this was lemony and I have never actually written a full, or reasonably explicit lemon for these two before…at least, none that I've ever posted _. Lolz :D Anyway, **_**ON WITH THE CHAPTER!**_

**Chapter Four: Dark / Summary: **_For most people the dark is a place of solace, a place to hide their scars and wounds from the prying eyes of everyone around them. But for Fai, the dark is a place of healing, because at night when the light turns dark, he lets himself be slowly but surely healed…And he lets himself love freely without fear of being judged, and in the dark, he was honest._

**Disclaimer: Don't own, and please tell me if you liked the summary! I did my best, but an authors worst critic is themselves right? **

**NOTE: The parts that are in italics are the first night that Fai let Kurogane in (basically the past), and the parts that are in Regular print are the present…just to let you guys know.**

**OOoOoOoOo**

He was trapped…He was trapped and strangely enough, he didn't mind in the least. This-_all _of this felt so completely and utterly right. So right in fact, that he could practically _feel _the deep ever bleeding wounds he harbored slowly begin to stitch themselves closed, feel the skin fuse back together to leave nothing but a scar.

"_Ah-hah, Kuro-sama!" the wizard moaned breathily into the ninja's ear as the larger man above him ground his hips down and moved his hips in such a way that Fai would do or say anything to feel it again. His desperate plea did not go unnoticed as Kurogane's hand found the hardened, heated flesh between the magician's thighs and set to work. _

_And the healing began._

He could feel the tears begin to prick at the corners of his eyes, and his pulse begin to beat faster and more urgently than ever. His lithe, flushed body begging-_screaming _to be touched, to be kissed and ravished and taken by his ever attentive lover. The ninja paid careful attention to the needs of his wounded patient, his lover, making sure that he felt as pleasured as possible so that the healing process wouldn't hurt as much as he knew it would. This needed to happen.

"_Kuro-myuu, p-please…d-don't stop! Ah!" The blond was well aware of the tears streaming relentlessly down his darkly flushed cheeks as Kurogane rolled their hips together eliciting sounds of pleasure from both Fai's and his own lips. And though his eye was open all he could see was darkness. Dark strands of hair brushed his lips before he buried his face in his lover's hair and moaned softly before inhaling the addicting scent of autumn leaves and the musky summer air. _

_The bed sheets beneath the two were ever shifting as their limbs locked together and hand's began to roam freely and grip tightly, and moans and grunts and groans of each others names and nonsensical whispered sweet nothings filled the husky dry air around the pair. _

He so desperately wished to be healed, wanted the wounds to scar over and remain hidden beneath the surface so that he never had to hide from the only person in the world that he trusted to heal him.

His healer was so careful, so attentive and gentle that he wanted to scream that he shouldn't be, that he should hurt him more, that he should tear new wounds because he deserved them…he didn't deserve to be healed. Especially by him. The only person who could.

"_Kuro-sama!" the name of his lover passed over his lips as a scream of anguished pleasure as his nails dug into his skin making the ninja hiss in pain, Fai's nails leaving half crescent markings in his shoulder blades. The larger man connected their lips in a passionate, heat filled kiss full of emotion and want, and need effectively muffling the wizards pleasured screams and moans, so as to keep the knowledge of what was conspiring between the two this night to themselves._

_"…Fai." The magician's only good eye snapped open and locked with the intense stare of crimson, his hot breath coming in harsh pants and small heated puffs of air brushing Kurogane's lips and cheeks. As they stared in silence, the only features of each other that they could make out in the darkness being their eyes and their lips, Fai knew. And he nodded, a tiny smile curling at the corners of his kiss swollen lips. _

"_Yes."_

At this point he wasn't sure what there was left for the ninja to do, he was so hot and bothered that it felt as if someone were sitting on his chest. The ninja however kept up with his relentless torture, his touches staying feather light and his kisses short and sweet. He loved seeing Fai's skin flushed so elegantly, it was different from his skin's usual alabaster texture and it seemed to make him look more alive.

Fai whimpered, and moaned gasping for air and trying desperately to make the man above him move faster only to be halted moments later, he looked up into the intense gaze of the crimson eyes he had come to adore and asked him silently without words: _Why?_

"_Fai…Fai, I…" but he didn't get to finish the sentence as Fai clamped his lips over his own, desperate to keep him from speaking the three words he knew that he was going to say. Because if he said those words then there was no going back, there was no chance that things could just go back to how they were leaving these oh so desired memories to be hidden in the light of the new found day. _

_Kurogane growled deep in his throat thrusting his hips forward harshly pushing impossibly deeper into the wizard allowing a pained yet pleasured cry fill his burning ears. Why in the seven rings of hell was the damn mage being so fucking stubborn!? Kissing the blond roughly he pushed every ounce of passion he had into it, biting down harshly on the magician's lower lip eliciting yet another anguished, pleasured cry from his kiss swollen lips. _

_And with those final acts they followed each other into a mind blowing, earth shattering release shouting each others names as they fell from their high. Falling onto the bed into an interlocked heap, the ninja's larger arms wrapping protectively around the lithe body of the wizard next to him and pulled him ever closer, and his lips brushing the shell of his ear._

"_I love you."_

Both the ninja and the wizard lay comfortably in each others arms, a contented smile on the magician's lips as he nuzzled his face into the crook of his lover's neck. He felt rather than heard the growl rumbling in his ninja's chest and chuckled lightly, pressing his lips gently against his lover's chest.

"…Kuro-sama?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"Love you too, idiot." Fai laughed again this time the mirth behind it was more noticeable. Slowly and carefully Fai took hold of his lovers artificial arm, and lifted it up pressing it flat palmed to his own bare chest, the cool touch of metal was soothing. He looked up into curious crimson eyes and smiled genuinely.

"Thank you, Kuro-sama…" the ninja blinked and scoffed.

"What are you talking about idiot?" Kurogane was surprised when a pair of soft, kiss swollen lips pressed delicately to his own.

"Thank you, for healing me."

**oOoOoOoOo**

**AN//Yay! Done! More reviews for a hungry writer please!**


	5. Chapter 5: Seeking Solace

**AN// Hai, Hai! Its chapter five here at last!! XD I had a hard time with this one, but I do hope that you all enjoy it. And if you****'****d like I will rewrite and repost chapter one, I understand that it****'****s pretty damn vague, so I****'****ll redo it anyway! Sorry for the vagueness! And I know that the plot I am using for this chapter is a little over used, but I thought it would be cute and you know every time someone re-writes it; it just gets cuter and cuter! X3 Hope you like!**

**Chapter Five: Seeking Solace / Summary: **_Though he was a ninja, and though he claimed that he was fearless there was one thing, just one thing that truly scared him. And he realizes just how important Fai is to him._

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of TRC, they belong to CLAMP.**

**oOoOoOoOoOoOo**

_Blood, there was too much; way too much blood and it wouldn__'__t stop flowing. He tore his cloak from his back and pressed it gingerly to the gaping wound in the wizard__'__s stomach and growled in frustration when his desperate attempt to staunch the bleeding failed rather miserably. _

_"__K-Kuro…sa-__"__ he had shakily raised a hand to his mouth and coughed little droplets of red now flecking his way to pale to be healthy skin. Kurogane snarled and pressed his cloak a little harder onto the wound, flinching when Fai winced from the pressure. _

_"__Don__'__t talk idiot! Do you want to die?!__"__ well that was a stupid question, because Kurogane already knew the answer. Fai smiled weakly up at the distressed ninja and closed his solitary blue eye, shimmering with fresh tears, slowly trailing down his pale cheek. He raised his hand again and touched his cheek, bringing his hand back to stare at his fingers in slight astonishment._

_"__Idiot I thought I told you to stop fucking moving damnit! Fuck, the bleeding isn__'__t dying down! __**FUCK!**__"__ Fai__'__s gaze switched from his tear dampened hand to the man above him, trying desperately to save his life. The pain he was feeling was unbearable, he felt cold already through the loss of too much blood, but the look on the ninja__'__s face was beyond unbearable. The pain and worry and pure and utter fear that showed through those expressive ruby eyes stabbed painfully at Fai__'__s heart. It was just too much to bear. A small, lonely smile curved at Fai__'__s blood stained lips as he slowly reached up and cupped the startled, fearful ninja__'__s cheek…gently caressing his skin spreading warmth through his finger tips._

"_Kuro-rin, I…I lov…__"__ but he trailed off, his single blue eye that had moments before been shedding tears, was now blank, and lifeless. And his hand, which had been caressing Kurogane__'__s cheek, fell back to his side. And his breathing stopped. He had died. _

_"__M-Mage?...Wizard?__"__ The ninja held Fai__'__s body closer and stared down in horror, realization hitting him square on. __"__I-Idiot this isn__'__t funny you bastard! Wake up damnit, WAKE UP!__"__ his entire body had begun to shake and shiver with agony and anguish. He couldn__'__t be dead he just couldn__'__t! DAMNIT! Kurogane gripped tighter to Fai__'__s lifeless body and buried his face in his soft blond hair, quiet sobs wracking through his entire body. __"__Y-You weren__'__t supposed to die yet you fucking bastard!...I__'__m…I__'__m sorry!__"__ But then he suddenly felt the body in his tight grasp stir ever so slightly, though Fai__'__s skin was still cold, and Kurogane felt no pulse. Pulling back Kurogane stared down in horror into the lifeless blue eye staring back up at him, pale blood splattered lips parting drawing in a shaky breath._

"_I…love…you." _

"_NO!" _

"Kuro-sama, wake up! It was only a dream!" The ninja jolted his eyes snapping open, wide with fear and horror. His breathing was harsh and his entire body was drenched in sweat. His eyes darted around, as if searching frantically. Fai stared worriedly down at the obviously frightened ninja. _'__Did Kuro-rin have a nightmare?__'_Suddenly Kurogane's eyes landed on Fai, and his body relaxed considerably. He was still alive. Thank the gods.

Fai blinked when Kurogane suddenly sat up from where he had been lying on his bed across from Fai's, and looked him in the eye. Fai was surprised when he looked into the ninja's now, very soft ruby red eyes. There was so much relief showing through them, Fai tilted his head cutely in confusion, leaning forward ever so slightly trying to examine the ninja's expression more closely.

"Kuro-sama, were you having a nightmare?" no answer. He was starting to get a little unnerved, he felt a bit uncomfortable as Kurogane continued to stare. Fai then decided to plaster one of his trade mark (fake) grins to his face and rock back and forth on the edge of Kurogane's bed. But was disappointed when Kurogane's expression did not change into his usual scowl, but remained calm, and relieved. Halting his actions Fai's brows creased into a slight frown. "Kuro-sama…?"

Fai gasped in surprise when large arms wrapped around his lithe form tightly, the metal of the left arm biting into his clothing only at first, the ninja's face buried defensively into the crook of his neck. Fai swallowed nervously. Kurogane was…_hugging _him? Why? "Kuro-sama, are you-"

"I'm sorry," Fai blinked. He was sorry? For what was he sorry for? Fai smiled again (fake) and reached up to pat Kurogane on the back reassuringly.

"It's okay Kuro-chii! You haven't done anything wrong!" Fai thought perhaps Kurogane was still wrapped up in his nightmare, perhaps he was apologizing to someone else?

"I…I'm so sorry, Fai." Fai was shocked to say the least. Kurogane's voice had been shaky and relieved and…if he wasn't mistaken, _fearful_. Had Kurogane done something to Fai in his nightmare that he regretted? Is that why he was apologizing? That was the most likely reason for his bizarre, very un-Kurogane like actions. Fai began to chew lightly on his lower lip, his gaze turned soft as he gently wrapped his arms around Kurogane, rubbing his back soothingly.

"Shhh, its okay…it was only a nightmare Kuro-pon," Fai was at a total loss for words, what was he supposed to do? He had never seen Kurogane so, _vulnerable _before. And he had to admit, it scared him to a point.

Though Kurogane was in an obvious state of distress, Fai couldn't't help but feel warm. It had been moments like this one that he had thought would only ever remain in his dreams. Having the ninja's arms holding him tightly, his lips on his skin (though they were there unconsciously at the moment) his dark unruly hair brushing his cheek; the blond shook his head lightly and closed his eye, a very faint shade of pink splashed on his cheeks. He couldn't think like that right now, not when Kurogane was so upset. Whatever it was that had scared him so much must have been pretty bad considering the fact that Kurogane was crying…wait, _what?!_

Fai stared down at Kurogane, his single blue eye wide with shock. Kurogane was…was crying?! Fai must have been dreaming, Kurogane never cried! This must be a dream…right?

Hardened, tear filled ruby eyes turned soft with fear and relief gazed up at the wizard, asking him without words: _'__Please…comfort me.__'_

Taking the hint Fai tightened his grip around Kurogane, holding him close. But only a few minutes after, Fai felt Kurogane pull away, so he let his arms drop from the ninja's shoulders and watched as Kurogane lifted himself into a full sitting position, making Fai look up to see into his eyes.

"Kuro-sa-mmph?!" before the words could even escape past his lips Kurogane had swiftly brought their lips together. And Fai's breath caught in his throat.

Kurogane was…_kissing him!_ Okay, this _had _to be a dream. But those lips felt so real, so soft and smooth and, _"__Oh!__"_

Fai shivered pleasantly as Kurogane's tongue slipped through his slightly parted lips, dragging across the roof of his mouth and sliding along his own. The blond's long delicate fingers tightened their grasp tugging insistently on the thin material of his dark night shirt.

A shallow moan passed through his lips, shuddering from the vibrations from his own voice Fai's arms slowly snaked around Kurogane's neck pulling him closer.

Oh _god _this felt good, way too good, and Fai feared that he may become addicted to the ninja's heated passionate kisses. As Fai's thoughts trailed off once again an amazingly warm hand slipped beneath his baby blue night shirt, which had been too small for him and showed the slightest sliver of his taut stomach, making him shudder violently.

Fai assumed that this, what they were doing, was a way of comfort for the ninja. Perhaps he had done this countless other times with different partners as a way to console his overflowing emotions, whether it had been anger or fear it didn't matter. If that was the case, then Fai was allowing himself to once again be used. These thoughts of his, these assumptions sounded so unreal and illogical, would Kurogane really use him? Someone that he hates? Someone who he claims is unattractive to him? Idiotic, annoying…among many other things.

With every new thought this situation seemed more and more like a dream, but Fai knew that it was reality, he _had _to know. It _had _to be fact, this _had _to be happening because if it wasn't, he knew that he wouldn't't be able to handle it.

Then all too soon Kurogane broke the kiss, his lips still hovering barely an inch from Fai's; their hot breath mingling in the short space between them and ghosting over each others cheeks and lips. Fai shuddered pleasantly, his lips still tingling and moist from the kiss. His eye, which he had only just realized was closed, slowly peeled open; his light lashes fluttering slightly his vision blurred as his eye adjusted to his surroundings.

Still panting and lightly flushed Fai stared up into questioning, hopeful ruby eyes. He swallowed, the lump in his throat growing swiftly.

"…Kuro…sama?"

"...Fai," The wizard let out a startled moan of both pleasure and surprise as Kurogane's hands slid down his sides to grasp his narrow hips, jerking and grinding his own broad hips upward pressing their groins together creating an absolutely delicious friction that Fai was prepared to beg for again and again. Kurogane growled almost possessively in the magician's ear making him mewl and shiver, and writhe under his agonizing, pleasuring torment. This was just too much for the blond to handle, even the ninja's simplest actions made him want to whimper and moan.

"I…I would never use you," Fai whimpered again as one of the ninja's hands slid below his boxers waist band and firmly cupped his backside, gently kneading making him moan again. Kurogane's words slowly sank in and Fai's eye began to swell with hot salty tears, streaming down his cheek. He gasped upon feeling a large, warm hand on his cheek, the other man's thumb gently wiping the tears away and began to stroke his cheek affectionately.

Slowly and gently Kurogane lowered Fai down onto the bed, hovering above him as his ragged breathing began to even out. Fai noticed that he had once again closed his eye, but was uncertain whether he wanted to see.

"Look at me Fai."

The wizard flinched slightly, but slowly gave in to Kurogane's demand. His single pristine blue eye began to flutter open, his vision clouded by his previously shed tears focused not to long afterward. And as he stared up into garnet eyes, the wizard licked his lips unconsciously nearly making the ninja loose his finely tuned control. Once was enough at the moment.

"In my dream, my nightmare, I…" Kurogane's lips pressed into a thin, thoughtful line. As if he was thinking hard on something. Fai blinked in surprise when the ninja slowly leaned down and touched their foreheads together, such a simple, yet intimate gesture. Fai wanted to cry again. "In my nightmare…I, killed you. And…though it was a dream, I couldn't stand knowing that I had done that to you," his deep husky voice entranced the blond who hung on to every word, but not the slightest hint of fear or accusation lay behind crystal blue eyes as Kurogane spoke to him in soft words with his rough voice.

As the pause that came after Kurogane's last statement kept stretching on, Fai became confused. Was that all he wanted to say? "Fai…?" The wizard blinked out of his thoughts. Had he spaced out? But when he looked back up at the ninja his expression was unreadable. So he offered him the tiniest of reassuring smiles. It was an honest smile, small, but honest. And it made Kurogane's heart melt.

So Kurogane leaned forward a little further, their lips now a mere breath apart. Fai looked like he were about to allow his eyes to close but kept them open determinedly.

"Fai," the ninja lifted his hand, and placed in flat palm against Fai's clothed chest. "Fai…let me be your reason to live," he removed his hand from the blonds chest and took his slim hand in his own, lifting it up and pressing it flat against his own chest, shivering only slightly. "…So that you can show me the true meaning of strength."

For a while, Fai just looked. He didn't look shocked, he didn't look angry or sad or happy…he just, _looked_. And then he slowly took his hand from Kurogane's grasp, and lifted both of his hands up, threading his fingers carefully in soft dark strands. Taking a deep breath Fai swiftly brought his face upward pressing their lips together, passion and desperation and love overriding every other feeling that even attempted to touch his heart.

That day the ninja had sought out solace in the other, and received so much more. He gained a true friend, and a wonderful lover. He was at peace once again, because he had found solace with his love.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**AN// O-O Okay, that was really corny at the end wasn't it? Ugh, I'm not even sure if this is any good or not, so you guys will have to tell me okay? I think I'm loosing my creative edge. ** **Anyway, a hungry writer needs reviews to feed her inspiration! '**_**Hey maybe that's the problem, I haven't gotten many reviews lately and I feel uninspired!' **_


	6. Chapter 6: Break Away

**AN// Okay, here is chapter six. Now this one was an even bigger pain in the ass than the last one. So don't blame me if it's horrible okay? **

**Chapter Six: Break Away / Summary: **_Love is hard isn't it? I just want to leave and never see that love again because it hurts; it hurts so bad that I am not so sure that it's worth it. Worth being near him and seeing him with no regard for me, I am nothing to him as long as he has her. He is loyal to her, devoted and ever lasting. I am nothing to him, and he doesn't know just how important he is to me. But perhaps if he knew, knew that I have considered him my only reason for living this entire time…is it possible that maybe, I could break from this pain, and we could be something more than just acquaintances? Maybe…we can both break away._

**Fai: Hyuu~! Great summary Aki-chu! But whose point of view is it from? **

**Kurogane: If you even have to ask then you're an idiot…**

**Fai: 'Le Gasp!' You know who is talking?! Tell me, tell me, tell me! **

**Kurogane: …No.**

**Fai: 'Pouts' Meanie!**

**Aki:…ooookay, anyhoo…I don't own the characters of TRC, they belong to CLAMP. But the story idea is mine!**

**Oh and by the way, someone PM'd me and told me about fan fictions sister site Fiction press, I can post my own original stories up there with my own characters and everything! So I'm going to start writing and posting my own story there too, I'll be under the same penname AkiChan323 if anyone is interested! ^__^**

**oOoOoOoOoOoOo**

I look, but do not see. I touch, but I do not feel. Everything is a bit confusing right now and I don't know what to make of this new feeling.

If I were to use a color to describe it, it would have to be…green. Twisted and distorted and ugly. Green was jealously, and I am full of it; I realize.

My mind whirls with thoughts of him and my gut twists with anger and my heart pangs with jealousy when I see them together. She looks at him with gentle, caring eyes. He looks at her with trust and only slight admiration.

Those eyes; those wonderful, garnet eyes…we don't make eye contact often, and when we do it's accidental. But when the rare occasion does rear up to taunt me those eyes see it all. They look in to my heart and grasp my very soul. Seeing all of the pain, but not knowing why it's there. Seeing all of the jealousy but not knowing why I would feel that way, and not knowing who was causing it all. Hm…if he only knew it was her.

My inner turmoil is slowly killing me, I decided. I see her and I want to _kill _her I decide. But I don't. Because killing his bad and killing her is worse because this time he wont forgive me. So I sit, and I smile and I joke and laugh. But I don't mean any of it. And I realize that I hate what I'm feeling, jealousy and hatred were horrible emotions...and I hated them more.

I do not eat the food that she so _disgustingly _yet graciously offered. I cannot eat this sort of food anymore anyway. It all tastes as if I were chewing on cardboard. Yet, I do not miss it. I don't miss the cakes that I loved so much before all of this happened; because he tastes so much better.

My cold deathly pale hands clasp around his hand and upper arm as I lower my mouth to the self inflicted wound that bled slowly and thickly the dark ruby liquid smelling of copper and oddly enough, spice dripping slowly from his wrist to the floor, staining the pristine carpets of the princesses castle. Forever ruined. I close my eyes and take a small breath.

"Just like me."

"What are you talking about?" His voice is curious yet still rough. As always….I shake my head and return to my task, my lips carefully pressing to the cut, but my single remaining eye remained focused on his face. His jaw had to be the most defined physical trait of his face, curved and angled just right, sharp and masculine. Unlike my own, round and curved and feminine; I guess you could say I looked younger than I was. But he wasn't all that much older than myself and yet he seemed much more masculine.

My lips left his skin for only a moment so that I could lap at the slight trickle that had escaped me and begin a new. As the sweet spicy nectar that was his blood flowed into my mouth I would take a deep inhale with every pause to swallow.

My now golden eye scanned his face until I came in contact with garnet, staring me down intently. The contemplation in those eyes, though mesmerizing and hypnotizing was strangely unnerving. Suppressing a smirk of triumph, for now _I _was the center of his attention, I allowed my tongue to escape past my own lips and slowly swipe across the cut, little beads of fresh blood blossoming mere moments later. And I did it again, because it seemed to get his attention better than before.

"What are you doing idiot?" though he was trying to hide it he sounded rather curious…and if I wasn't mistaken, a bit perturbed. The wide smirk I had held back before reappeared with a vengeance as my golden eye hooded, purposefully licking my lips slowly, and watching amusedly as those wonderful, sexy garnet eyes follow its path. Oh, this was fun.

Just knowing that I was stealing him away, making him break from thoughts of his princess was turning me on. But I should know better than to think that things would go that far. But calming my rather hot and bothered body down at this moment proved impossible.

"Why Kuro-sama, I am merely enjoying my meal," I licked my lips again. "You taste…_delicious_, by the way." I chuckled deep in my throat at the way his eyes widened only slightly in shock and recognition of my words. Though he did not blush- I would never expect him too anyway-, I could feel the heat return to his still bleeding skin nearly ten fold. I laughed again, though the mirth behind it was not the least bit sadistic.

Running my tongue over the cut one last time I let go of his arm and pulled away, but before I could leave something had caught my arm. I looked down and allowed my eye to travel up his arm to meet his gaze. I was about to ask him what it was that he wanted when he had suddenly lifted his hand to my face, and a warm, calloused thumb gently wiped away the excess blood that I had yet to realize was still clinging to my lower lip.

"You're a messy eater...and a terrible liar." My eye darted down to his thumb, resting a mere inch from my lips now dotted with the smear of blood that he had wiped from my lip. And without thinking my tongue darted out and licked it clean.

My gaze flicked up to his face, his expression was, for once, unreadable. His gaze was hard and calculating, and his lips were pressed into a tight firm line. And that ever present scowl seemed deeper if if were possible. He was scanning me and I didn't like it, it felt like he was critiquing my every move. Very few things annoyed me, and this was one of them.

Yet another plastic smile curved at my thin lips and brushed a few stray strands of hair from my face before turning around, gently wrenching my arm from his grasp and leaving the room. Leaving the cause of my annoyance and the heavy feeling in my heart behind in his room I headed down to the grand palace dining room, where Tomoyo-hime and the kids would most likely be expecting Kuro-chuu and myself.

I would not eat of course, but I would sit and pretend for a while. That things were back to how they used to be. And I would answer Tomoyo-hime with coldness in my voice yet a smile on my face. The spite that had wrapped its vindictive tendrils around my heart and mind getting the best of me.

I truly was a horrible person.

**OoOoOoOoOo**

The Sakura tree's were truly beautiful. Their soft pale pink petals so delicate seemed to dance in the breeze. I took a deep inhale as the breeze picked up and a few Sakura flowers broke from the branches and drifted on the breeze and fell softly to the ground. The contrast was quite stunning against the green blades of grass.

Today was a lovely day, and oddly enough I found myself enjoying it. The sun warmed my skin, so pale and cold, and the tree I sat beneath shading my remaining eye from the blinding light, and making the sunlight dance on the grass laid out beneath me. It felt...peaceful. I liked it, it was calming and gentle and I liked it.

I never knew how incredibly beautiful Kuro-pyon's world was; the tree's seemed to be dancing as the slight warm breezes passed them by, the fluffy white clouds that drifted by carelessly, seemingly outlined thinly by silver against the clear baby blue sky...the wide and open grassy fields. All of these things and more made this world by far the most impressive that I have yet to see. So much more beautiful than the snow.

Though snow had its own charms, it was just white. Just one color that stayed the same and never changed. The many flowers that littered the fields here in Nihon Japan were colorful and full of life, as were the many creatures that inhabited the forests.

And the snow was cold. Here it was warm, like a lovers embrace, comforting and calming and sometimes, it felt almost loving. Yes, I liked this world very much, you may even go as far as to say that I _loved _this world. But that would be a lie.

Sure I loved the beauty of the landscape, the wonderful scents that the flowers had to offer, and I loved the calm and relaxing sensations that overwhelmed my senses when I would lay upon Kuro-chan's bed when I knew he was not in his room, taking in his scent and the small things that told me his essence still lingered. And the wonderfully blissful caress of the hot steaming water as I sat still in the hot springs as I bathed.

Yes those things were all wonderful, but this was Kurogane's world. And I had realized this upon arriving, the look of pure and utter relief on the ninja's face told me everything that I needed to know. And the fact that everyone we passed seemed to know him just made it even more obvious to the children.

And because this was Kurogane's world, that means that he will no longer be with us as we travel dimensions and collect feathers, he wanted to come home, that was his wish; and now he had what he wanted, why would he want to stay with us?...with me. I had known all this time that I had meant nothing to the man, and in a moment of pure stupidity I hoped that he would choose us (_me_) over what he had been forced to leave behind when we began this god forsaken journey.

But like everything else in life my hopes faded, faded from my mind and my heart as everything fell into place. And I was left with one more painstakingly horrible choice to make before the kids and I left this world, and Kurogane, forever.

Speak with him, and confess to him my thoughts...

Or leave him be, and move on without looking back.

I regretted even thinking about it, if I had chosen without thinking I would have easily taken the second choice, turning my back on the one person I allowed myself to get even remotely close to this entire time and endure the dull aching pain in my chest every time I saw the color red or fought an enemy that wielded a sword. Everything I wished we were and everything we 'actually' were would be left in the past and I would only ever see him in my dreams and my nightmares for the rest of my pathetically miserable life. I guess I deserved this. Because I could not take the second choice. The pain that I knew I would be causing in doing such a thing would haunt me forever. For some sick and utterly _twisted _reason he cared...he cared about me enough to save me from the poisonous clutches of death itself not once but twice. And I also regretted hating him, I blamed him for letting me live because I knew I did not deserve it. If only he had let me die I would not be in this situation now. I would not have to choose.

Not that I had much of a choice anymore.

I slowly stood from my spot under the Sakura tree and stretched my weary limbs, cracking my joints and loosening my muscles before beginning my long walk down the hill, across the field, and up the palace steps and the down the winding hallways to Kurogane's room; where I assumed he would be as he had only just finished training a mere half an hour ago.

My long journey from the outdoors to his bedroom did not seem to take long as it had seemed like mere moments ago I had been at peace beneath the tree.

I took a deep, steady breath before lifting my hand to the handle and pushing the door open.

And as I expected he was standing there, in all of his half naked glory with only a light yukata tied loosely around his waist the upper half hanging around the tightly tied draw string that held the fabric above his waist; and a cloth resembling a towel hung around his neck as he looked up from his spot near the bath room door in his bedroom, curious crimson eyes following me as I entered and closed the door before turning and offering him another generic, plastic smile. But he does not take it. A light scowl in place, rather annoyed and slightly perturbed, he strode over to his bedside and dropped the drying cloth on its edge before turning back to me, not bothering to fully cloth himself.

"What do you want? You hungry?" he had taken out the knife before I even had a chance to answer, but my hand found his before he could slice his wrist, the marred skin, the scars left my my feedings were clearly visible and I felt an ache of guilt fill my gut.

"No..." my voice was so quiet and meek. It didn't sound like me, and he must have noticed it to for the expression he wore seemed nonplussed, puzzled and silently asking me what the _hell _ was wrong with me. Or so he would phrase it.

Holding his hand a little longer I slowly lifted it to my face, his expression was riddled with confusion as I brought his wrist to my lips and pressed a gentle kiss to the newest of the scars, the skin was tender and warm, though jagged as it was still healing. I felt his hand twitch as if to pull away, but he stayed as I pressed another gentle kiss to another scar, this time further down his tanned wrist. It was my fault, I told myself, that his perfect skin was marred with such ugly scars. And I kissed another until there were no more that needed my attention and I reached out my hand coming to rest against his cheek, warm and wonderful.

And because I could find no words to tell him what I was planning on saying upon arriving here in his bedroom, I kissed him. A simpler brush of the lips, smooth and chaste. His were rough and chapped, but were wonderful all the same, just like everything else about him. I had felt him tense as I pressed myself cautiously closer to his body, the heat that radiated from his large form warming me from the outside in quicker than any fire. And I felt alive. But the sudden greed for his warmth died with the realization of my selfishness and I went to pull away and leave him be to dwell on my incredibly asinine actions, but gasped in shock as strong arms pulled me back and embraced me, holding me close and his lips were on mine once again.

If he knew why I had done that I did not know, but I found myself lost in the moment and allowed my fingers to set to work pulling the draw string that kept him clothed and hidden as his own hands, larger than my own, began to disrobe my own form. Our hot breath tickling each others sensitized skin, our hands roaming our lips lapping greedily at exposed flesh and eyes searching, always searching each other as we stared.

And in a whirl of emotion and achingly wonderful pleasure everything became beautiful. Especially his eyes, how I loved those eyes.

And as we lay in the silence of his darkened room beneath the covers of his overly large bed, and tucked safely in his warm almost heart achingly loving embrace, my head tucked beneath his chin and my own arm draped haphazardly across his middle. I felt so lost, yet so sickeningly _loved. _

Fate was a cruel mistress indeed....

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

I plastered another plastic smile on as I lifted my hand and waved, the children lifted their hands as well and waved. The pain written so openly on their young faces stabbed into my chest and made me hurt ten times what I had been feeling before. It seemed that I was not the only one would be deeply affected by the loss of one of our party.

Tomoyo-hime offered us a soft and genuine smile, though a hint of understanding and, I could not for the life of me figure out why, a sort of well placed sorrow behind her gentle violet eyes.

Though I had felt the vindictive vines of jealousy lure me into the false sense of hatred I had bared for her only days ago, I now felt only a slight contempt for the princess, and more admiration for her strength. She deserved Kurogane more than I ever would, so it only made sense that he would stay to protect the princess he had pledged his life to and his eternal allegiance to.

And then my heart stopped. He was running, he was running at us and he seemed desperate. Did he come to say goodbye? Could he handle bidding farewell to his pupil that he had come to see as a son-though he did not admit it-and princess Sakura, who he saw as his innocent daughter?

But his eyes were on me. And it only faintly registered in the back of my mind that he was wearing his armor, and his sword was attached to his hip as he ran.

When he finally reached us I expected him to stop next to his princess and bid a quick, painful farewell to the children, and hopefully will himself to exchange a glance or a sad goodbye before we left for the next world; but no...he had done none of those things, instead he had kept walking until he was standing directly in front of me and reached out gripping my shoulders as if afraid that I would suddenly float through his grasp.

I stared up at him completely puzzled with the situation before I was pulled into his tight embrace. I heard two startled gasps from behind me as my eye widened with shock, my hands reaching up on instinct to grip his dark cloak.

Then I felt his lips brush against my ear, and shuddered pleasantly not expecting this treatment. But what he said next shocked me more than his actions....

"I pledged my sword and my allegiance to her, " his grip around my tightened and it felt as if his words had squeezed my heart, what was he trying to say?

"But my heart is yours, if you will accept it..." He held me tighter as his words sank in and tears spilled from my only eye and my hands clenched so tightly that my knuckles were white. And for once I answered with out thinking on it, because it was irrational, and the moment seemed to call for irrationality.

"I...will accept it, if you will accept mine," His grin was not triumphant, nor was it mocking but rather joyous as he gazed back at me. "Though I warn you, it is quite fragile, and will break easily..."

"Hn...You know better than anyone how gentle these hands can be," I couldn't help but flush. And I smiled. All plastic forgotten I let a true one shine through for once, because it was for him and he didn't deserve to be put out by my porcelain mask anymore, he never deserved it in the first place. I knew in my heart that leaving him behind would not be any easier now that I have done what I have, but I would at least know how he felt. But when he did not let go I stared up at him questioningly.

His eyes were so soft, the hardness that they harbored hidden beneath the gentle kindness and love as he watched me.

"You didn't think I would leave you after all the crap we went through did you? Moron..." the name was spoken teasingly as he loosened his grip, a silent message, saying 'you can move away if you like' but I did not move. Instead I smile and allow only a single tear to escape my eye as I lean up on tip toe, and kiss him chastely, not caring who saw.

When I drew back, he leaned down again as Mokona sprouted wings and opened his mouth.

"_Together, we will break away..."_

And in a flash of colorful light, we were gone from his world.

And I felt as I were soaring. And I thought to myself, the ninja holding me tight in his arms as we moved on to our next destination.

_'It feels so beautiful to be loved.' _

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**AN// 'Blushes and hides' I have NO idea where the hell that came from. I just felt so mushy and weird and I am SOOO sorry for the fluff and the angst (though there was little of it) I don't hate Tomoyo, Fai was just jealous, he gets over it as you noticed.**

**I think I may like the ending the best but Im not quite sure...please give me your opinion! I'm STARVING for reviews here people! Throw a dog a bone would you?! (Lolz XD Dog 'snicker' Kuro-woof 'giggle) 'ahem' anyhoo, please review, like I said, I am starving for reviews! Love you all!**


	7. Chapter 7: Heaven

**AN// Okay here is chapter seven, I hope you like it. It took me longer than I expected cuz my friends decided to drag me out of my house to go see that new movie 'Madagascar Escape 2 Africa' Its pretty good actually I recommend it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuro-sama, Fai or any other TRC merchandise and/or products…**

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

It seems to me that lately life has slowed down, what used to be the steady trickle of water that controlled my life's pace, had now turned into honey, thick…sticky, and slow.

Now I ask myself rather than you, how did I get here? To this part of my life…am I being punished in some way? Or is this some sort of sick minded reward? Ah, too many questions…and definitely way too much time.

I didn't want this I hope you know. Not for either of us, but it seems that it's going to happen anyway, and we have to go along with it. Because you may be able to control your own destiny, and choose your own path…but you cannot control time, because time waits for no man, and it won't make an exception…not for you, and definitely not for me.

Despite what we all think and say who we are can sometimes be different. And sometimes there are people out there who don't know who they are completely…like me for instance. Sure I know my name, I know where I was born, and I know where I grew up. I know my age, my favorite things, my most hated things, I have friends who tell me who I am every day…and yet, I still have no clue who I am.

You are one of them, my friends that is. Every day you call me 'idiot', or 'mage'…but never, not even once, have you called me by my true name. And it stings, and burns and aches in my chest each and every time you use those words. They hurt more than I let on you know.

My smiles are hollow and I realized a long time ago that you knew. But still you play along, just so it wouldn't upset the children, right? I know that's the reason, because if you cared about _me, _you wouldn't play along, you would ask. And for once, I would answer truthfully.

You saved me. You saved my life, one that I wanted to leave…and I think that you knew, but you saved me anyway. What made you do it? What made you do something so asinine? Feh… And you call _me _the idiot. I wanted to die, and you knew. But you saved me anyway.

Now my fangs pierce the soft flesh of your wrist, and the hot liquid flows onto my tongue from your veins. Spicy and sweet, your taste suits who I have always seen on the outside. Everything, everything else that I have ever tasted before this tasted like ash on my tongue compared to the refined yet crude taste of _you _that assaulted every one of my senses. The scent of your blood filled my nostrils and lit my body aflame, making me want, no _need _more…and I found that I could not stop myself. I'm scared; I don't want you to die! And finally I pry myself from your wrist and look up at your paling face, what had I done to you?

But to my utter surprise you just smirk and lean back against the wall behind you. _'You full now?' _your last words before I nod rather dumbly and you leave the room on slightly unsteady feet. And though you are acting like you're fine…the truth of the matter is that neither of us are very good liars. How ironic.

Now we sit in a tense and forced silence, the children are sleeping. Sakura is snuggled up with Syaoran and Mokona their steady breathing could be heard from their room even from where we sat in the living room. Quiet.

I look up at you to see you staring out the window, though it is near covered with frost from the cold snow on the other side; you still stare as if there is something to see…as if you are looking for something. _'What are you looking at, Kuro-pu?' _I ask. I use the silly nickname again, because I know you will use that insult again when you respond. You look over at me through the corner of your eye and scoff. _'Nothing, why does it matter to you anyway…' _Though I know that your comment should not have bothered me, I still feel a sharp ach in my chest as your words sink in and I shift uncomfortably in my seat across from you. In reality it didn't really matter, I just wanted to break this uneasy silence that had been hanging over our heads since my last feeding.

I shook my head and looked away. _'I hate the snow,' _I blink in confusion and look up at you again to see that your expression is more far-gone than before. I manage a weak plastic smile and inch a little closer. _'But why would you hate the snow? It's so beautiful!' _I am not surprised when you snort in disbelief. Though I was not lying this time, I once found the sight of the cold frozen flakes comforting. _'Sure snow is beautiful on the outside, but really all it is, is cold and bitter…' _for a moment there I had the sneaking suspicion that you were trying to imply something with that sentence, but I brushed it off. _'…And yet, I don't know what I would do if it disappeared.' _

I school my expression into one that seemed rather owlish trying my best to seem confused, but you and I both know what you meant. And I was shocked. And scared, why would you tell me these things? Are you hoping it will change things? If you are, you truly are a fool, because things couldn't change even if I wanted them to. But the thing is, I _do _want things to change, so _desperately _that I'm not even sure how I've hung on this long. So I smile, without a hint of true emotion behind it for that is all I know, and move closer so that I too am staring out at the snow. _'Perhaps, there is something that Kuro-chu isn't telling me?' _I had learned that the teasing only brought us closer together, but I guess it's to late to break our bonds now, if the way I treated you during and after you turned me into this monster didn't put enough distance between us to make you leave me alone I don't think that it would matter much if I went back to how it was before. But you don't answer my question, you just stare. That look in your eyes, I know that look. You are lonely; do you miss your princess? Do you miss your home? No, you do miss them, but I doubt the snow would remind you of either of them.

The silence reigns once again and for once, I can't think of a single thing to say. So instead I watch as the large white flakes descend from the dark clouds above to fall on the ground or blanket the window sill, and listen to your steady breathing. The simple sounds you make as you breathe and shift seem soothing and it only scares me a little. Your presence is so calming I think I could fall asleep right here with you.

I think…perhaps, if you would let me?

So I take a chance, and I lie down on your lap. There is a long pause as I continue to stare out the window, my vision now lopsided as I was lying on my side. I waited…and waited, and to my surprise-and utter relief-you did not shove me off. Instead, you placed a surprisingly gentle hand upon my head and thread your fingers in my hair. And I sigh, because it feels nice. _'Is Kuro-tan okay? He is not acting himself lately…' _Again I get no reply, but though I am not looking at you I can feel your gaze shift from the falling snow to me. Why are you staring at me? I'm not really all that interesting…am I?

You began to stroke my hair and now I am really confused. Why show so much affection for me? Or perhaps you are imagining another. Ah, I am so negative. _'Your hair…is soft,' _my eye, which had been drooping with oncoming sleep, snapped open and my breath hitched in my throat. A compliment? From you?!...I think I may be only slightly traumatized now.

I noticed your hand stop moving in my hair as I lay there on your lap in shock, contemplating the odds of you having lost your sanity some time between my last feeding and this very moment. Did you stop because you felt my muscles tense? Or because you only just realized what you had said. You weren't thinking when you said it, were you? Ah, it figures…never one to think before you act huh, Kuro-sama. Just rush in and chop everything to bits. Speak without thinking. Tch. And you call _me _the idiot.

But then your hand starts moving again, slowly massaging my scalp. It feels really nice and I think that I could actually fall asleep this time. But your movements are unsure, and perhaps it would be better if I sat up and left you alone with your thoughts. That way you can escape back to your home, at least for a little while in your mind.

So I attempt to sit up but I am suddenly-and rather gently surprisingly-pulled back down, I turned my head to look up at you blinking owlishly up into your intense garnet gaze. Wait, you were looking back…I can feel my face burning now.

'_Why are you blushing like that moron…?' _my face burns more and I can hardly believe it when I see the corner of your mouth twitch up into the tiniest of smirks. Damn you, you smug bastard. I smile plastically.

'_I was out in the snow with Moko-chan and Sakura-chan earlier, perhaps I am feeling the starting signs of a cold…silly me! I'll try not to hinder our search!' _ I pretended to sneeze, and then offered a sheepish smile, which was totally fake and I knew that you had seen through it because you weren't even trying to hide your smirk now.

'_You suck at lying you know that? And quit running…' _your smirk disappeared in mere moments, you seemed…serious now, almost embarrassed. _'You can…sleep where you are, if you'd like. I don't mind…' _I blinked. Once…twice…my face burned as I turned my head away in your lap to face the window once again.

And the silence returned. I really didn't mind it; it was nice to just lay like this with you, especially since I never get to.

Slowly but surely my eyelid began to droop, heavy with oncoming sleep, it barely registered in my mind that you were-for some god forsaken reason-holding tightly to my right hand, which lay next to my face on your lap. And then I heard your voice…

And you were singing.

'_Come stop your crying, it'll be all right. Just take my hand, hold it tight…'_

Your voice is amazing you know that? So deep and husky yet soft and soothing at the same time… so wonderful.

'_I will protect you from, all around you. I will be here, don't you cry…'_

I think I may be crying now, I'm sorry I know you asked me not too.

'_For one so small, you seem so strong…my arms will hold you keep you safe, and warm. This bond between us, can't be broken…I will be here, don't you cry.' _

I choked back sobs as I clutched your hand. Is mine shaking? I can't tell. I'm sorry I'm crying I really am. Your voice is just so soothing, where did you learn this song? The words, they seem so comforting…did someone you know sing this to you before? I wonder….

'_You'll be in my heart, yes you'll be in my heart; from this day on, now and forever more. You'll be in my heart, no matter what they say. You'll be in my heart…' _

Why did you stop there? Was that the end of your song? To bad, I really liked it. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt your hand on my chin turning my head to face you. And now I can't look away as you stare down at my face, I probably look really stupid huh? Puffy red eyes, stuffy nose and another fake smile to throw you off…I don't know why of all times I decided to notice this but, you look like you're upside down from this angle.

Wait, why are you getting closer? Oh, I feel your breath on my lips, it's nice. Oh god my heart is throbbing so loudly in my chest, it feels as if my ribcage is about to shatter. I gasped, as your lips press chastely to my own. And every thought flew from my mind, suddenly wiped blank to be replaced by confusion. Why are you kissing me? Someone you hate someone who does nothing but annoy you? But then again, why were you letting my lay on your lap…ugh, to many questions, and your lips are so distracting, oh god the things I could imagine them doing. I wonder if they would feel as good against my skin as they do against my lips, hot smoldering and delicious.

This kiss is a little awkward though as it is at an upside down angle, but your taste makes up for the sloppiness of the kiss. But as suddenly as it had happened, it ended…but your face remained close, at least enough for me to still feel your hot breath on my lips. What a wonderful feeling.

I stare for a moment before my curiosity got the best of me. _'Why did you do that?' _my question seemed to snap you out of your daze, and now you seemed nervous. What are you thinking, you don't regret it, do you?

But as suddenly as you seemed nervous your expression changed again. Your eyes, your wonderful, beautiful garnet eyes turned soft, such gentleness I had never seen before in anyone's eyes shone through and bared itself to me. And I felt my face burn only slightly again as your hand placed itself on my cheek and began to stroke absent mindedly.

'_I wished to know how you tasted…' _Now I was really confused. Is that really all there was too it? It was such a simple answer, yet the action had been so complicated. Well, the feelings the action produced were complicated.

But then again you were always one for simple things. This thought made me smile, honestly and truly smile. You seemed shocked for a moment before I lifted a hand up and began to caress your cheek, returning the favor.

'_So…what do I taste like to you, Kuro-sama?' _I watched with bated breath as a small smile appeared on your expression and slowly leaned down again, pressing those soft delicious lips to my forehead, then to my nose, and finally once again on my lips. Then you pulled back just enough so that as I looked up I looked into your eyes.

'_You taste like cream, smooth and white…you taste like strawberries, though I would usually hate sweet things…' _

Your eyes closed and I was only slightly disappointed that I could no longer see your eyes. I shivered as your hand on my cheek slid down my neck slowly as if teasing and then down the length of my right arm until our hands met and you entwined our fingers, your hand sending sparks of your wonderful warmth up my arm and through my body.

I can feel my smile widen as I grip your hand tighter.

'_So Kuro-mi thinks I taste good?' _ I blinked again when your eyes opened, staring down at me with such intensity that I think I may faint.

'_No…' _

'_No?' _

'_You don't taste good…' _I could feel your thumb rubbing tiny soothing circles in my palm as you clasped my hand tighter. What it gods name were you trying to say?

'_Then what do I taste like?' _

I kept my tone curious though I was slightly hurt. Did I taste disgusting? But if I did, why are you holding my hand?

Suddenly I felt you bringing my hand up still held in your own larger, warmer one and could feel my heart jump as you pressed your lips to the tips of each of my fingers. I wanted to cry again. Why must you torture me?! But then you smiled at me again and I blinked up at you.

'_You taste like heaven.' _

The smile on my face was so wide I think my head may split in two as you kissed me again upside down, our hands still interlocked tightly.

And you know what?

You also, taste like heaven.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**AN// Okay, super fluffy fluff and less angst, just because I am in a better mood today. Despite my head cold. **

**The idea was actually in my mind for a while now but I never got around to writing it out into an actual oneshot, but then I saw that the next theme on the list was 'Heaven' so I thought, 'Here's my chance!' I hope you guys like it, from Fai's POV if you didn't notice. Oh and btw, when Kuro-chu is talking about the 'snow' he is really referring to Fai. Just saying in case you didn't catch that. **

**Read and Review for this bed ridden author needs some badly! Reviews are like chicken soup for me! **


	8. Chapter 8: Innocence

**AN// Okay here is chapter eight, I hope you all are happy cuz I sure as hell ain't! I had a wisdom tooth pulled so that I could have my much needed gum surgery…let me tell you, I did not deserve the pain that I felt that day…'shiver' **

**Anyhoo, I hope you like this. A lot of you seem to like it when I write in Fai's POV, so I'll be doing that more often. And I've been brainstorming and thought of something, what if I wrote a fanfiction where Fai owned a diary, and each chapter was a new page in his diary and he spilled his heart into it? His feelings, his actions his thoughts everything! GENIUS! If you want me to write that out please vote in your reviews okay?**

**Disclaimer: If I was CLAMP, I would tell you…**

**And I am sorry but this chapter is Kurogane thinking on how innocent Fai really is so…don't get mad okay? Pretty please?**

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

This was stupid…this was _really _stupid.

'_Thinking about that moron is just a big waste of time…'_ right?

Whilst Kurogane pondered his thoughts, he watched Fai. Yes, Fai…the one whom he was currently thinking about. Which he found completely stupid because why should he think about someone who is right there? Sitting mere feet away blowing bubbles with that stupid plastic _wand _while the pork-bun jumped up and tried in vain to capture one of the little round shiny pockets of air in his paws without popping it.

It didn't work. Not once was the little meat-bun able to catch one without it popping in his face, which would scrunch up in irritation (a new expression for Mokona Kurogane noted to himself) and then it would turn back to Fai and beg him to blow more bubbles.

So he did. After a small bout of giggles and asking _nicely _for a please first.

Kurogane was not amused in the least…really he wasn't. He was annoyed, not _amused_.

"Why are you staring like that Kuro-mii? Is there something on my face?" the question startled the ninja because one: he wasn't expecting Fai to _notice _him watching him when they were mere feet apart, and two: because Fai had gotten really close into his personal space without him noticing, their faces a mere breath apart.

And this is the point in which Kurogane began to doubt the magician's innocence.

Though his face was childish and _cute, _(how Kurogane_ loathed _the very word) his eyes had become partially hooded with something that Kurogane had been accustomed too back in his own world. And unfortunately in other worlds as well….

And the way he was sitting wasn't helping things either.

He had sat himself down directly in front of Kurogane in a rather…suggestive position. His legs did not rest beneath himself, and they weren't crossed…but rather they were bent at the knee and spread apart as if _offering _something and his arms were placed behind himself to prop up his upper body.

And he was _smirking _at him…not the 'I am better than you' smirk that Kurogane often got from his opponents before he kicked the living crap out of them, or the 'I know something you don't know' smirk he got from the white pork-bun every time he was alone in a room with Fai and the pork-bun wanted to, _check in_.

It was the, '_Come fuck me into the mattress Kuro-sama, you __**know **__you want too…' _smirk that drove Kurogane crazy.

And if it weren't for that look Kurogane would have assumed Fai to be completely and totally innocent.

'_Innocent…Feh. As if! Tch.' _

Okay, now these thoughts were _really _starting to piss him off. Why the _hell _couldn't he stop imagining Fai in that position? He was straight…right?

'_Son of a bitch! Now he's got me questioning my own sexuality! FUCK!' _

"Hello! Kuro-sama! Are you alright?" he blinked. Fai was waving rather exuberantly in front of his face as if demanding attention…okay, he _was _demanding attention. When he finally noticed that the angry, 'STOP FUCKING DOING THAT YOU SON OF A BITCH!' glare was being directed at himself again for what had to be the thousandth time since the day they met, he stopped the insistent waving and smiled that 'I'm so cute, don't you just want to- '_HOLY MOTHER OF…WHAT THE HELL!?!?!' _

Kurogane had collapsed from the shock.

When the ninja awoke about ten minutes later he found that he could hear someone calling his name, the person sounded rather familiar too…hm, that was odd. There was also something or some_one _putting pressure on his waist…was someone _sitting _on him?! Well, whoever it was they were so dead.

Kurogane dually noted to himself that opening his eyes was second worst idea of the day. The first being the decision to stare at Fai like a starving dog would at a large hunk of meat.

Because when he opened his eyes, the shock of what he saw nearly gave him a heart attack. Fai was straddling his hips with his slender, pale hands rubbing his chest every so sensually…while he purred…wait, _purred?! _

"_HOLY FUCK!?" _

Kurogane attempted to leap from his spot on the bed; _'How the __**hell**__ did I get on a bed?...wait, do I even want to know?'_ But was abruptly shoved back down with amazing strength that he never thought possible to come from such a thin, stalky man such as Fai. Staring up at him in shock and a mixture of embarrassment and anger Fai just smiled at him all sly like, like the cat he claimed he was and allowed his hands to run up the length of Kurogane's chest until they slipped up around to the back of his neck, his fingers interlinking bad entwining themselves in his short dark hair.

The action had averted Kurogane's attention from how incredibly _close _Fai's face was to his own…it felt nice, what could he say?

"_Would Kuro-__**seme**__ like to __**fuck**__ me?" _

'_Holy hell…' _

That tore it.

Fai's apparent innocence be damned! Like he was stupid enough to pass up this kind of offer…even if it were a potential dream.

Kurogane smirked in a self satisfied way, and grabbed hold of Fai's hips grinding upward making the blond moan his name in that beautiful tenor voice that Kurogane would gladly admit that he loved if only to hear it sound that way again.

Fai may not have been innocent of the mind at the time, but he had been innocent of body.

Well…he _had _been.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**AN// Okay I know its short, and I know it may not make a lot of sense but it just came to be during PE so I faked sick and rushed to the library to write it out for you guys, hope you like it!**

**READ and REVIEW please!**


	9. Chapter 9: Drive

**AN// Okay here is chapter eight, hope you like it! The idea came from (don't ask me why) a commercial for a used car lot…I know, really weird. But hey, inspiration is inspiration you know?**

Anyhoo~

Chapter Eight: Drive / Summary: _Sports cars were too flashy, pick-up trucks were too out doorsie for his liking, and SUV's…well, they just weren't for him. But Fai was determined to find the perfect match, and perhaps he would find his perfect match in this used car lot._

**Disclaimer: For the last, bloody time! I DON"T OWN TSUBASA! … 'sobs uncontrollably' God it never gets any easier to say! 'sniff' sorry, I'm calm now.**

OOoOoOoOoOo

"_Hyuu~…_not a single lot had any vehicles that interested me at all…Hm."

It had been like this for the last four days. About two weeks ago Fai had decided that he wanted to get a new car, for he would be heading off to college in a few months, and wanted to be able to get around without using public transportation. Sure it was cheaper to take the bus than it would be to buy a car, but he just didn't feel like being crammed like a sardine in a tin can that smelled exactly so.

Only other option? Buy a car of course!

To tell the truth, Fai was actually quite wealthy and could afford any car that he wanted…but he didn't think that flashy cars such as roadsters and the like suited him at all. He preferred to live simply.

And that is why his search for the perfect car for him has taken four days…he had been to nearly every used car lot in the city, even the one with the very shady owners who looked suspiciously like mafia gangsters just on the outskirts of the city.

And he got zip. Zilch. Zero. Nadda.

In other words, none of the cars ever came even remotely _close _to feeling perfect. Fai was actually on the verge of giving up, because what if there wasn't a perfect match out there just for him? What if he was meant to be without that perfect feeling?

The blond sighed again as he glanced down at his lap and picked at the hem of his bright sky blue jacket pulling a loose thread from its confines and flicking it down onto the vibrating floor of the bus.

God he hated public transportation. It smelled of wet dog in here! Though not as bad as the usual stench of fish or way too much perfume, aftershave or cologne, it was still pretty bad.

Allowing his eyes to return to the scenery flashing past the window to his right, Fai blinked before reaching up and pulling the stop cord. Waiting until the large vehicle came to a complete stop; he stood from his seat, thanked the driver and stepped off of the bus.

Okay, if this place didn't have his perfect car then he would officially give up. If his car wasn't here, he would hang himself, for he was sure that he couldn't stand the smell of those rank buses. Sure, he tried his best to stay optimistic, but that couldn't stop him from disliking (hating) something right?

Crossing the street to the aforementioned used car lot, the blond took a step in and glanced around. The lot, though not as filthy as the other ones before it, was pretty much as normal as they come. Some of the cars though didn't seem fit to be driven, in fact; there was one that looked like it would blow up the moment it started.

Sure it would be funny to watch, but he had something else in mind, something that would actually function properly. Something that wouldn't kill him.

After a moment of allowing his eyes to drift over the wide selection of cars, they finally landed on what looked like a 1970's Honda Civic. It looked in relatively good shape, and the price on the window was fair and affordable…the only problem with it was that it was yellow.  
Yeah sure, he knew that his hair was also yellow (blond) but he just couldn't find it in himself to like the color on the car.

"Well, I guess its not _that _bad…" placing a tentative hand on the hood Fai continued to examine the vehicle, until a voice from behind himself made him jump in shock and wheel around eyes immediately snapping up to meet with the strangers.

"That cars' a piece of crap."

The stranger, it turned out, had dark hair. His eyes, strangely enough, were red…and Fai flushed noticeably the moment he realized he had been staring. Forcing down the blush Fai smiled brightly (plastically) at the stranger.

"Oh…really? It seems pretty nice to me!" The stranger didn't seem to like his cheerful disposition if that scowl on his face was anything to go by, but Fai's grin never wavered as he moved to the driver's side of the banana yellow vehicle.

"Trust me; you'll get five feet away from the exit of this lot at the most in that junk heap. You'd be better off buying a bike…what the hell are you doing?!" the blond had stuck his head into the drivers window, which had been open to allow the car to air out, to look around the inside of the car.

Though it looked nice, and looked clean, it smelled of cigarette smoke and moth balls. Fai's nose scrunched up in irritation and disgust as he pulled his head out of the window and waved a hand in front of his nose to rid it of the smell.

"Hyuu~ that smell's absolutely _awful_!"

"Tch. My boss is such a cheapskate she won't pay to have them cleaned out once and a while."  
Fai blinked. So this guy wasn't just bothering him to be an ass, he actually worked here. Smile returning full force Fai practically skipped over to the stranger and leaned forward ever so slightly while standing directly in front of him so that their faces were mere inches apart. This seemed to annoy the already angry man further. And for some reason, Fai found this highly amusing.

"What do you want?" Fai giggled. Was this guy trying to act tough? Was he scared of Fai? Well, even if he wasn't he really ought to be.

"What's your name?"

"…Kurogane." There had been a slight pause before he had answered as if he were wary about giving away his name. Was this guy suspicious of everybody or just Fai?  
Fai smiled wider anyway.

"_Hyuu~! _What a cool name! Would you mind at all if I called you, Kuro-tan?"

"HELL NO! What the hell is wrong with you!? I don't even know you!" Though his reaction was rather hostile it was more defensive than anything, and judging by the blazing red burned into his cheeks and the expression he wore he was more embarrassed that angry with the nickname.

So, still smiling widely, Fai stuck out his hand grabbing one of 'Kuro-tan's' larger hands and shook it in greeting.

"Hello! My name is Fai.; it's a pleasure to meet you Kuro-cutie!"

"IT'S KUROGANE YOU SON OF A-"

"Now, now Kurogane, you wouldn't be yelling at the costumers again now would you?" glaring over his shoulder Kurogane growled in frustration and mumbled a 'he frickin' started it'.  
"What was that?" his boss seemed like an okay sort of person. But apparently wasn't being cheeky, she really didn't hear him. So Fai being the considerate person that he is peeked around the red eyed employee and smiled brightly at the owner of the lot.

"It's alright ma'am really, Kuro-sama was just helping pick out a car!" the manager seemed rather amused with the nickname…Kurogane, not so much.

"Well alright then, I'll let you and…Kuro-sama, get back to business!" and with that she disappeared into the building. Kurogane growled in irritation. Great now that evil witch of a boss Yuuko was going to use that insufferable nickname against him! And it was all that blond idiots fault!

Turning back to Fai Kurogane gave him his best 'I will FUCKING KILL YOU!' death glare of doom and turned to walk away when he suddenly felt something tug at his shirt.

"You're not just going to leave me here are you? I'm a paying costumer!"

"…Tch." Turning back reluctantly Kurogane grabbed Fai by the arm and dragged him (almost literally) halfway across the lot, Fai protesting profusely the entire way.

"Waaah! This is animal abuse I tell you!"

"Grrrr, you're not even a fucking animal! How is this animal abuse!?"

"Meow~! I'm a kitty!" It seemed as if Fai was pushing all of the wrong buttons (right in his case) for it seemed as if the dark haired man would blow his lid at any given moment.

"YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING CAT! Now shut up and keep up!" _'This guy is a fucking whack job, just sell him a car, and get him the fuck out of here.'_

Coming to a complete halt Kurogane let go of the blonds arm and pointed.

"Here, it's in good shape it's priced fairly and it matches…"

And all Fai could do was stare.

There, sitting not but a few feet from them was a cobalt blue 1980's Volkswagon convertible with a cream colored fold-back roof, and Fai just had this feeling in the pit of his gut that this was the car for him.

"_Hyuu~! _It's beautiful Kuro-mii!" Kurogane watched as the blond moron, as he had so dubbed him, bounded giddily over to the drivers side door of the vehicle and ran a rather thin and delicate looking hand across the handle of the door as if scared he may brake it. _'Why the fuck is this guy so girly…wait, is he a __**he **__at all?!' _Shaking his head to rid it of the very disturbing thought Kurogane turned his attention back to Fai, who had by this point slipped into the drivers seat of the car and was nearly bouncing in his seat with enthusiasm and excitement; it was as if he were a small child with a new toy.

Kurogane nearly jumped out of his skin (though he hid it well) when suddenly, as he had been staring for a rather embarrassingly long time at the blond, Fai's pale blue eyes snapped up to his the most adorable gleam of joy shining brightly within them.

"What?!" the dark man snapped. He nearly cringed from how defensive he had sounded.

"Ne, Kuro-pu may I take it for a test drive?"

"…Feh, whatever. Just a sec, have to get the stupid keys." So Fai watched as Kurogane turned away from the car and disappeared into the building. As the seconds ticked by way to slowly for Fai's liking he started to tap his fingers impatiently on the wheel, his eyes staying fixed on the door in which Kurogane had disappeared moments ago.

Fai frowned. _'Where is he? I'm sure it doesn't take…' _he glanced down at his watch. _'five minutes to find a stinkin' key!'_

He was suddenly pulled from his thoughts as the car dipped slightly to his right indicating that there was now a second person in the vehicle. The blond smiled at the brunette as the keys were tossed into his lap and (while still grumbling obscenities under his breath) the rather grumpy passenger locked his seat belt in place.

When the darker man glanced up at him, Fai smiled brightly and noted the very faint, ALMOST unnoticeable tinge of red in his sun kissed cheeks.

"Well? Are you going to start the god damned car or not?!" giggling softly Fai picked up the keys from his lap and fiddled with them for a moment before finding the correct one and successfully turning the car on.

The light roar of the engine as it burst into life made Fai grin uncontrollably with enthusiasm and excitement as he looked up to adjust the rearview mirror. After doing so, he chanced a furtive glance at the other occupant of the car.

He had to admit, though he seemed like a rather angry and short tempered person he was quite attractive. His dark hair looked messy and wild and the contrast with his garnet red eyes was simply breath taking, red and black definitely seemed like colors that he would wear though Fai new nothing of this person other than his name and that he had absolutely no sense of humor.  
Once again he found himself locking gazes with the darker man his gaze was rather annoyed with just the slightest hint of curiosity.

"What are you staring at?" Fai managed to force down the embarrassed blush that had threatened to appear as he turned his attention back to the rear view mirror and he began to back out of the space.

When they finally managed to get out onto the street, Fai smiled in obvious approval. This car was absolutely _perfect_! It was quiet and obviously well taken care of, the price was fair and affordable and it was one of his favourite colors!

Coming to a stop at the first crosswalk, Fai glanced at his passenger and smiled again. Maybe a little conversation would make mister grumpy a little less…well, grumpy.

"So Kuro-pu, how do you know so much about cars?" at first the larger man seemed annoyed and only allowed his eyes to linger on Fai's smiling face before turning back to the passenger window.

"I don't really know all that much…"

"Nonsense, you recommended this car to me and it runs so well! You must know something about cars." Kurogane seemed a little hesitant at first, but he eventually answered.

"My parents owned an auto shop for a while and my dad taught me a few things okay? Satsified?" Fai blinked in surprise as he took a right turn when the light turned green. Smiling again to himself, Fai sped up a little, now driving at the speed limit.

"Wow! Kuro-sama sounds so interesting!"

"Humph…not really." _'What is WITH this idiot?'_

"You know, you could try and be a little less grumpy, it does wonders for your social skills!" Kurogane's eye twitched as he stared determinedly out of the passenger side window fighting the rising urge to throw the blond out the window, turn around in the car and back up over him. What did this moron know about social skills, he probably annoyed the hell out of everyone he came in contact with!

Getting a better grip on his temper, Kurogane's eyes lingered on Fai's hands, his long nimble fingers drumming rhythmically on the wheel as his eyes stayed trained on the road less wide and childish now and more focused. As he stared and assessed the blond, who was now attempting to whistle some unknown tune that didn't quite sound like any song Kurogane had ever heard before he frowned. His dark brows knitted together in a deeper frown than the constant scowl that he had grown accustomed to wearing on a daily basis.

Who was this guy? Who was he really. He seemed cheerful and pleasant--though in Kurogane's eyes annoying and infuriating--and he seemed to be enjoying himself as he made different turns his hands twisting the wheel like a pro, and for some odd reason Kurogane couldn't bring himself to pay attention to where he was taking them. His eyes, still narrowed and analyzing, stayed locked purposefully on Fai's every move, his every change in expression.

He knew this guy wasn't real. This personality that he showed, that he purposefully flaunted, was not the real him…perhaps a part of the real him. But not the _real _him all together.  
And for some _ungodly _reason unknown to even himself, Kurogane wanted to see the real him. The real Fai beneath that careful and carefree mask that he had constructed. That he thought no one could _see _let alone see through.

Kurogane was anything but ignorant. And anyone who knew him or had even met him for a moment could tell you that he was an incredibly stubborn man. He would get what he wanted whether the other liked it or not…

_'Wait a moment…' _his frown deepened and his fist clenched in his lap as he gritted his teeth to keep calm. _'Why do I even care? Why should I? He's been nothing but a pain since the moment I met him and now I suddenly want to __**know **__him?!' _his instant assumption to that thought was that me was going insane…that or, maybe, he wanted to _know _him because he knew it would be a challenge.

He _knew _that Fai would not go down without a fight, that much was for certain. He would have to be careful about how he did this…because even though Fai acted like an idiot, he knew that he was intelligent…at least enough to know when someone is attempting to break down his walls.  
Kurogane blinked but kept his eyes narrowed and the frown still on his face as they came to a stop at a red light and Fai had glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes. Those blue eyes were also analyzing. Kurogane turned his gaze back to the window and began to drum his fingers--so much bigger than Fai's--against the dash board.  
He glances sideways at the blond man to see him smiling, his blue eyes still on his. And right before the light turns green Kurogane allows the corner of his lips to twitch upward into the tiniest of smiles. He resists the urge to smirk in triumph when a startled and rather shocked expression crossed Fai's face making the features of his face seem more real and less mask like to Kurogane for only a split second until the mask was back up. And a large and very plastic smile was plastered to that silly mask that could never and would never reach his eyes.

"So mister grumpy _can _smile! Two miracles in one day, now that is something."  
Ignoring the first comment to the best of his abilities, Kurogane frowned again.

"Two?" when he asked that question and sounded genuinely curious Fai laughed. Kurogane was taken aback by the sudden happy sound. It was a brief glimpse of what he wanted to see and it had sent a sudden shock of warmth, liquid heat, straight through his body sending a rather pleasant shiver up his spine. _Holy crap_…that was _very _unexpected.

'_What the __**hell **__just happened here?'  
_

"Yes two, I've spent the majority of the last god only knows how long looking for the perfect match and I've finally found it!" He sounded so genuinely happy that Kurogane was pretty sure that he may have fallen asleep during the test drive and this was some crazy messed up dream…well, crazy messed up dream or not he wasn't quite sure how to wake up.

"What the hell are you talking about 'perfect match' its just a car…" Fai gasped in mock shock and hurt as he made another right turn and the car lot came back into view.

"Just a car? This will, in fact, be my very first car! I'm really excited its not every day you get to have a first with something you know?" though Kurogane didn't like it he had to admit that Fai had a point.

But still, it was just a stupid car. There would be others, better ones. Cars that looked better, ran better. Kurogane frowned again. Was he still talking about the car here?  
Moments later they pulled into the lot and Fai easily found the cars appropriate spot and parked it in its proper place. Turning the key in the ignition the car switched off, and all was quiet…for all but a moment at least.

"Hey…Kuro-sama?"

"What."

"Would you…" Fai paused, his expression unsure. Kurogane kept his eyes on Fai's face watching his expression and wondered why in the hell he was acting all weird all of a sudden.

"Just spit it out, if you've got something to say then say it!" Fai looked surprised by Kurogane's sudden outburst. And then to Kurogane's utter frustration the plastic smile was back. Fake confidence.

"I was wondering if you would like to go somewhere, to…well, you know; hang out? I think the term is."

This, caught him totally by surprise.

For a little bit all Kurogane did was stare at Fai, before closing his eyes and sighing with resignation. He had to do this if he wanted to figure this guy out.

'_Something must be __**seriously **__wrong with me…why the hell do I want this so bad anyway? Ugh!'  
_

"…Fine, but we're taking _my _car. I don't like people driving me places." Stepping out of the car Kurogane waited rather patiently for Fai to recover from the shock of having him agree so easily as he leaned against the passenger side door. Then he leaned down and narrowed his eyes at Fai, who smiled again erasing the shock the moment his face had appeared in the window.  
Kurogane scowled.

"Hurry up and get out of the damn car, it was your idea so hurry the hell up!"  
Fai giggled, and Kurogane was _really _sure that guys weren't supposed to giggle.

"Hm, Kuro-rin sure is impatient! Temper, temper Kuro-woof."

"…." _'Bastard.'  
_

When Fai finally got out of the car and tossed Kurogane the keys he tried to follow him into the building, but Kurogane caught him by the shoulder. The sudden and unexpected contact from the larger man startled Fai, and what felt like an electric shock shot through his body spreading like wild fire. And he suddenly got the weird feeling that this man, this person whom he had only met not but an hour ago knew more than he should about Fai. He knew about his mask, and he intended to brake it.

Fai blinked. And a small smile pulled at the corners of his lips, his expression amused. That was just silly, this guy didn't seem stupid or ignorant but Fai was sure that there was no way that could ever happen. He was sure of it…wasn't he?

Kurogane frowned again and squeezed Fai's shoulder successfully snapping him out of his amused yet very dazed trance.

"We're going to fill out your paperwork first for your car, then we'll leave." And with that he let go of the blonds shoulder and walked straight past him and listened as he heard Fai begin to follow.

**XXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

"Wow! Kuro-wanko has a really nice car!"

Fai stared in awe at the vehicle sitting before him, though it was obviously an older model it looked brand new.

Kurogane rolled his eyes as he walked around to the drivers side and opened the door. Before getting in he glanced up at Fai who was still staring at the door on the passenger side, as if suddenly nervous about the whole thing. He rolled his eyes again.

"Well? Are you going to get in the damn car or not?!" Fai jumped slightly and the plastic smile appeared again to cover his surprise. Kurogane suppressed the urge to glare at him suspiciously. He watched as Fai hopped into the car before getting in himself.

"What model is it?"

Kurogane bit back an annoyed growl as he turned his key in the ignition.

"It's a 1985 Ford F-250..."

"Its so big and cute, just like its owner!"

"How in the hell is a truck this size _cute_?!…" and then the last bit clicked and his face was suddenly such a dark shade of red it looked like he had a sun burn. Fai couldn't decide which possibility would amuse him more, if Kurogane were embarrassed, or angry.

"WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING _CUTE_?!"

Fai decided it was funnier when he was angry. Fai grinned at the larger--still blushing like mad--man and tried very hard not to laugh. _Very _hard.

"Why, you of course Kuro-wan wan! Puppies are so adorable, especially the big kind!"

"I am NOT a freakin' puppy!"

"Ahhh! The big bad puppy is mad at me!" at this point in their little argument Kurogane was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that the darkly tanned skin of his knuckles had turned white with the strain of not punching that stupid blond idiot so hard he flew _through _the passenger window. Kurogane closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

"Lets just go before I change my mind."

"…Kuro-sama?"

"Grrr…what do you want now Damnit?!" when Kurogane turned to look at the blond in the seat next to him he was surprised. Fai was looking down at his lap looking rather thoughtful….and if he wasn't mistaken, a little sad.

He couldn't help but notice how the blond had been twisting and wringing his hands nervously but his eyes stayed trained on his lap.

"Kuro-sama…why did you accept my invitation, even though its obvious you don't want to be around me?"

"…Uh." _'Crap. What the hell am I going to say? Crap!' _Fai was staring at him out of the corner of his eye now, and Kurogane could see the expectation in his eyes. Grinding his teeth a bit Kurogane forced himself to loosen his grip on the steering wheel and relax…at least, as much as was humanly possible in the presence of someone like Fai.

"Look, I'm skipping work to hang out with you, could you just accept that I want to…"

"You're skipping work?!" Kurogane ground his teeth again repressing an annoyed growl.

"Yes!…Damnit, I must be a fucking masochist."

"What would make you a masochist Kuro-puppy?" ignoring the question Kurogane began to back out of the employee parking lot and out onto the street, reigning in his temper at the same time. He should have won a freakin' medal for the amount of self restraint that he was showing.

"Kuro-pyon! I asked you a--"

"I must be a masochist if the idea of hanging out with an annoying, irritating moron like you _**actually **_sounds like fun!"

Though that entire sentence had been laced with insults, and though the tone of Kurogane's voice sounded as if the very strain of not chucking Fai out the window would make him keel over any second now was very painfully obvious…his answer seemed to satisfy the blond. And then, Fai smiled.

"Awww, so Kuro-Kuro _did _want to spend time with little ol' me! I'm flattered!" Glaring at the blond out of the corner of his eye Kurogane noticed that there was a faint, but obviously noticeable blush dusted across Fai's cheeks. Glare gone and eyes back on the road Kurogane forced back his own blush.

'_The idiot actually looked kinda…cute.' _he had to struggle to even _think _the word. What a weird and absolutely awkward situation. How in the seven levels of bloody fucking _**hell**_, did he always manage to get himself into these kinds of situations?

'_Pfft, whatever…to hell if I know.' _

They drove the rest of the way in silence. Well, as silent as it could be with Fai, who insisted on making that stupid little sound that kinda sounded like _'Hyuu~' _either he couldn't whistle or annoying Kurogane was now his favourite pass time.

Kurogane glared out through his windshield.

'_Bastard.'_

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**_

"_Hyuu~! _This is a really nice café Kuro-rin, you have really good taste!"

"…Hn." It seemed that the little (and convenient) café that Kurogane had stopped at was good enough for Fai, who was bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet his bright blue eyes darting around like a child in a candy store. To tell the truth, Kurogane only stopped here because he _really _needed a cup of straight black coffee. And when I say _needed _it…well, if he wanted to survive this day there was no need for an explanation to that sentence.

When they finally got the head of the line the cashier smiled warmly at them both, he seemed young and friendly enough….

"Hello! Is there anything I could get you today?" the young boy smiled brightly at Fai who smiled back and gave the kid his order as though he was completely clueless to the fact that he was encouraging the poor kid. I say poor kid because when he turned to take Kurogane's order he found himself on the receiving end of the never before used 'Touch Him and DIE!' glare of ultimate doom. He swallowed hard.

"U-Um, what would you l-like today s-sir?" Kurogane could see the boy trembling noticeably. This pleased the much larger man. Very much so.

"Black coffee. No sugar. No cream. Got it?!"

"U-Uh, got it…"

After paying for both of their orders Kurogane grabbed Fai by the upper arm and dragged him to the side to wait for their drinks at the second counter.

"You know you really shouldn't have encouraged that brat, he's way to young for you you'd think he had a chance…"

Fai stared up at Kurogane curiously for a moment taking in what the brunette had said before a very wide, very mischievous grin spread across his lips.

"Ne, was Kuro-manly _jealous_ perhaps?" Kurogane immediately released Fai's arm and took a step to his left away from Fai.

"Why in the _hell _would I be jealous?! He was just a kid!"

"Eh? So you admit that you are attracted to me then?"

"I NEVER SAID THAT YOU BASTARD!" When Kurogane noticed that he had just attracted the attention of nearly everyone in the little café he turned his glare on them. They all froze.

"What are you lookin' at?!" They all looked away hurriedly distracting themselves with whatever was closest to them. When Kurogane looked back at Fai his eyes widened in surprise. The blond looked so very crestfallen, if even for a moment it looked like he was in pain, the smile he had been wearing moments before was still there, and yet it had taken on a more melancholy tone. But not half a second after Kurogane had noticed his mood swing Fai's expression changed from obviously sad to buoyantly cheerful. Kurogane glared at him, _'Stupid fucking mask.' _

Finally their coffee arrived. Again the boy smiled at Fai as he took the two drinks from him. Kurogane watched from his spot near the door… The boy said something that Kurogane couldn't hear but it seemed to take Fai by surprised. Fai shook his head and replied to whatever it was that the boy had asked him. Though he couldn't hear what the blond had said, the moment that Fai's surprise had appeared the sudden pain had come back also. Kurogane scowled at the boy when they made eye contact a second time. He nearly smirked when the (poor, very poor) boy trembled a little. The boy waved to Fai and Fai waved back before he turned and walked back over to Kurogane with their coffee.

"Ne, Kuro-tan! I think you may have scared that poor boy more than you meant too."

"Tch…if anything I didn't scare him enough. Dumbass kid."

"Hyuu~ Your sounding more and more like a grumpy old man!"

"Hn. Whatever."

"So, where are we going now Kuro-myuu?" Kurogane blinked. He actually hadn't really thought about it, his first priority had been to get his straight black sense inducing coffee and the rest hadn't really occurred to him. Getting in the car and putting his coffee into the mug holder he waited for Fai to get in and strap in before starting the car again.

Before pulling out of their spot Kurogane turned to Fai, who stared at him curiously, bright blue eyes wide, round and childlike as he tilted his head slightly in question, almost like a curious kitten. Kurogane was forced to force down another blush, Fai, plus cat ears and tail and collar make a very _very _NOT PG13 mental image.

"Kuro-min?"

"Wanna go for a drive?"

Fai blinked, and simply stared at the older man for a moment…before a wide and genuine smile broke out across his face.

"Sure!"

And Kurogane could see the mask slowly begin to crack.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

When they had finally come to a stop they had been driving for nearly two and a half hours straight, just talking about practically nothing…well, Fai was talking, Kurogane was just listening. Sometimes commenting with three or four word replies.

Usually one or two of those words were swear words, more often than not.

"Kuro-sama, may I ask where we are exactly?"

They had come to a stop at what looked like the end of a trail which had led them up to the edge of a cliff. The car parked safely fifteen feet from the edge, enough to stay safe and still enjoy the view. Fai stared in awe, leaning so close to the windshield his nose nearly pressed up against the glass. For some odd reason Kurogane felt…content. Fai was _really _smiling right now, and he had been the one to make him smile. _'Why does that matter again?'_ okay, his own thoughts were really starting to annoy him.

"I took a road up an old hiking trail, nobody uses it anymore…I come up here sometimes to think about things."

"Are you thinking about things now?"

"What are you talking about?"

Fai smiled again and turned so that he was sitting in such a way that he could face Kurogane and lean forward, placing a hand unknowingly on Kurogane's upper right thigh to keep himself steady as he leaned forward. Kurogane found that it was getting harder to breathe properly as Fai leaned forward, completely unaware.

"Well, you said you come up here to think about things, we're up here now, are you thinking about things?"

"…No."

"Then why are we up here?" Kurogane sighed. Was it possible that Fai was now irritating him without even being aware of it? Highly possible.

"I've never brought anyone here before…"

"So…I'm the first one Kuro-sama has brought to his special place?" It took a moment but Kurogane was finally able to nod an affirmative. Fai's grin widened. "Does this mean that Kuro-sama likes me?"

"…Yes." Kurogane _really _wanted to just jump off of that cliff. But he didn't, he stayed put in his seat as Fai bounced up and down excitedly cheering and giggling excitedly.

"I'm so glad, I thought you hated me!"

"Yeah, I thought so too…" when Fai had finally clamed down, the car had gone silent. It was almost eerie, and Kurogane didn't like it. When Kurogane glanced over at Fai, the blond was looking up at him sheepishly, a tiny smile on his lips. Kurogane gripped the steering wheel to keep himself from grabbing the blond, pressing him against the passenger side door and kissing him senseless. Seriously, these thoughts had to go. Like, _now! _

"Ne, Kuro-sama, could I ask a question?" Kurogane raised an eyebrow in question.

"Alright, shoot…"

"Do you…have any family?"

Nice. The one question he was hoping to avoid…nice. Staying silent for a moment, Kurogane just stared out the windshield before lifting a hand from his lap and running his fingers through his hair. Fai watched the action and wished that he could do that for him.

"I…both of my parents died when I was a kid. I have a little sister though…" he looked down at his lap where both of his hands were fidgeting restlessly. "Her name is Tomoyo, I think it may have been rougher on her though." He listened carefully as Fai shifted in his seat. He wondered to himself if Fai regretted asking the question, he seemed a little uncomfortable.

"Do you think about them when you come up here? Your family I mean…"

The grip he had on his own hands tightened slightly.

"Sometimes…what about you?"

"M-Me?" Fai seemed startled.

"Yeah, what about your family?" The car went silent again. Kurogane frowned. He was really getting sick of Fai's dodging and that stupid mask. He turned his head just enough so that he could get a good look at the blonds face, and was surprised to find him wearing a thoughtful and very pained expression. Was he actually going to answer?

"Um, well…actually, both of my parents died when I was young also. I was so young I don't even remember what happened."

"I also had a brother, my twin brother Yuui. He…he died, a little while after we turned thirteen. He had cancer." it looked like he was struggling not to cry now. But he just kept watching.

And then the melancholy smile from before reappeared, and Kurogane watched in silence as silent tears started to trail down Fai's pale cheeks.

"I felt so useless, I knew there was nothing I could do, but I wanted to help him so badly…he, he was my best friend." Fai sniffled and reached up and rubbed his eyes on his sleeve in an attempt to dry his tears.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me, I'm sor--" Fai gasped in shock and a pleasant shiver shot up his spine when a tight and warm embrace enveloped him, strong arms keeping him pressed flush against the larger mans hard chest. He had no idea what had gotten into him, but Fai had just reached up and grabbed hold of the fabric of Kurogane's black shirt and clung to him like a ship to an anchor and cried. His cheek and body pressed into the warmth of the others body as he sobbed and still worrying somewhere in his mind about whether Kurogane would be angry at him for getting his nice shirt wet. Fai nearly smiled at the stupid thought. But he didn't.

It was ten minutes later when Fai finally stopped crying. He allowed his fingers to let go of the others shirt and drop, too weak to move much Fai sighed in contentment…though his eyes were bloodshot and the skin around them was raw and itchy and his throat hurt from all of the crying and he was absolutely exhausted from his sudden and unexpected burst of raw emotion Fai still managed to lift himself back up, not really wanting to leave the warmth of the other body, but also not wanting to burden the other. Looking up at Kurogane Fai smiled weakly, noticing how…calm Kurogane seemed. Fai chuckled and coughed a little, nearly falling back in his chair, and felt warm strong hands hold him up by the shoulders.

"I'm s-sorry Kuro…I don't usually…"

"Shut up." Fai looked up, perplexed and confused. Kurogane stared at him, Fai recognized something akin to sympathy in his red eyes. Those strange and exotic red eyes.

"Don't apologize for crying, you had every right too…so don't apologize." Suddenly the warmth on his shoulders was gone and Kurogane had gotten out of his truck, Fai's eyes followed as he walked around the front of his truck and opened Fai's door. Fai looked up at him confused. He rolled his eyes.

"Come on, get out…" Fai took hold of the handle on the inside of his door and lifted himself out carefully and used the rest of the car to steady himself as Kurogane closed the passenger door and moved to the back of his truck.

"What are you doing Kuro-wan wan?" his voice was till weak. Damn, he sounded so pathetic.

"Hold on…" He watched curiously as Kurogane reached into the back of his truck and pulled out a thick, warm looking blanket. Walking back over to Fai with the blanket tucked under his arm Kurogane opened the door to the back of his truck and pointed.

"Get in." Fai blinked. And only when Kurogane growled at him warningly did he actually get back in the truck.

"Kuro-sama…?" but the door was already shut. His head jerked to his left when the other door was suddenly opened and the blanket was suddenly shoved in his face.

"Lie down and cover yourself…my heater doesn't work and its getting cold." Fai stared at the blanket and only then did he realize how cold it was and quickly wrapped himself in it. Before Kurogane could close the door and go back to the drivers seat, Fai reached out and grabbed his hand. His own hand was weak, Kurogane noticed, but still stopped none the less. He looked down at Fai, who stared up at him with pleading and a hint of a smile in his eyes.

"Stay?"

He hesitated, but eventually climbed in back with Fai. And the minute that he had the door closed, Fai's head was suddenly on his lap. He frowned.

"What are you doing?"

"_Hyuu~ _Kuro-sweeties lap is such a nice pillow…" and though he sounded tired, he also sounded genuinely happy for once, so Kurogane didn't protest any further. And the car was silent once again.

Wondering for a moment if Fai was asleep yet or not, Kurogane began to think through what he had done today.

After a moment, he realized that half the things he had done today, he would never usually do. 1) He had skipped work, which he would never usually do…he really needed the money. 2) He agreed to hang out with a guy who drove him so far up the fucking wall he just wanted to bash his own skull in with said wall. And 3)…He had held that same guy while he cried.

Kurogane had never had to deal with tears before, his sister had never once cried in front of him since she was a baby, so he had nothing to go on, no experience, only instinct.

This day just kept getting weirder and weirder.

Suddenly Kurogane felt the weight on his lap lift and looked down to see what had happened only to see Fai staring up at him smiling prettily, his eyes still a little bloodshot, his hair was a mess and his cheeks still a little red. And yet…the only word that Kurogane could think of to describe him was….

"Beautiful…"

Silence. Kurogane sat stock still, his back as rigid as a board as he stared wide eyed into Fai's own shocked, wide blue eyes.

They both just stared as what Kurogane had unconsciously muttered aloud began to sink in. And Fai shifted a little closer using his arms as support to keep himself propped up.

"What…what did you say, Kuro-sama?"

"I didn't say anything…" not a very convincing lie if truth be told, but he had to try. Fai was sitting up now both of his hands resting on either of Kurogane's upper legs for support the larger man pressed flat against the back door as Fai moved closer, and if Kurogane wasn't mistaken the blond seemed…excited. His breathing has quickened and he was trembling with excitement as he stared deep into Kurogane's eyes , their faces so close they could feel each others breath on their cheeks. Kurogane was trapped.

"Did… did you say I was, beautiful?" Kurogane could _hear _the hope so clearly in the blonds voice. He clenched his fists as his sides.

"Y…Yes." Fai's breath caught in his chest as he stared at the larger man who was struggling to keep his eyes on his own.

Very slowly but surely, a small, sweet _beautiful _smile spread across Fai's lips, and this one reached his eyes.

"I think, that Kuro-sama is very handsome…" Fai watched amused and happy as a faint red blush burned into tanned skin. Fai laughed lightly, "And also very sweet…"

"Tch. I ain't sweet."

"Shush Kuro-nice!"

"Wha…? Hrmph?!"

Kurogane sat shocked and once again back as rigid as a board as a pair of soft, yet dry lips tasting faintly of salt press firmly and sweetly against his own. His every muscle seemed to relax suddenly, and his eyes slowly slid shut as Fai moved their bodies closer his hands moving from Kurogane's legs to his shoulders, moving to straddle the larger man and press himself closer. Kurogane found himself moving his hands up to rest on the lithe man's narrow hips pull them impossibly closer together.

Fai let out a breathy moan as his arms snaked around Kurogane's neck. After a moment they broke for air, sucking in as much as possible. Fai leaned forward and rested his forehead against Kurogane's, noticing his own breathing was much more laboured than the others.

"On the contrary, I think that you are very sweet…and you're a very good kisser." Fai smiled warmly at the other as he just took a moment to stare at the blond.

Now not only were his eyes still a little bloodshot and his hair still a mess, but his cheeks were an even darker red, and his lips were a bit swollen from their heated kiss. And yet…he still looked absolutely beautiful.

"Hey, Kuro-sama?"

Kurogane grunted.

A playful grin spread across Fai's kiss bruised lips.

"Would you mind driving me home?"

Kurogane smirked.

"Sure, why not."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

**AN// Phew! Believe it or not this chapter is nearly fifteen pages long! That has to be my longest update!**

**Sorry its late also, got sick over the holidays and havent had much time on the computer since school started again -_- bleh. Anyhoo~ Hope you like it, please leave nice reviews for a starving writer who is wasting away due to having a horrible cold this entire time!**

**And you better be grateful! I stayed up till four in the morning on a school night to finish this for you guys! (I felt bad for it being late and felt you shouldn't wait any longer) **

**To all of you my readers, Good Night!~ 'collapses in chair, face lands on keyboard' **


	10. Chapter 10: Breathe Again

**AN// Sorry guys but this one is gonna be a little short, but I'm hoping its better than some of my other stuff…cuz you know that sometimes the shorter fics are the best! Okay lame excuse for trying to battle writers block (which seems to really like me because its freeloading in my brain!) I really hope you like it though! **

**Fai's POV! YAY! :D **

**Chapter Ten: Breathe Again / Summary: **_I'm a fool. A jester, a puppet…a lifeless doll. I could breathe once upon a time, but everyone knows that dolls can't breathe. And all I want is to be able to breathe again…maybe, someone can share their breath with me._

**Rated: **NC-17 (M: Mature) for swearing and sexual themes ;3

**Disclaimer: I don't own TRC…the four almighty goddesses known as CLAMP do. **

**Note: I've just recently started reading xxxHolic also and I REALLY like it! 3 Its really weird, but so awesome at the same time! Watanuki is hilarious, and Doumeki is always calling him a fool! Lolz! And now im into the DouWata pairing! YAY! **

**RrRrRrRrRrRrRrRrRrRr**

I'm a fool. I'm a jester, a puppet…a lifeless doll.

Once upon a time so far back that the exact time has become nothing but a blur in the back of my mind…I could breathe.

But everyone knows that dolls can't breathe, because dolls don't have lungs, or bones…or hearts. But I could remember the feeling of breathing, the way my chest would fill as I inhaled and the sweet relief as my chest fell releasing the trapped air in my lungs.

The way my lips would dry as the air passed through them, I could remember the way they ached as I struggled to breathe, to inhale that precious, precious air that I needed so badly as I was suffocated.

My life suffocated me, the things I'd seen the things I'd done…the horrible things.

_A body falling to the snow covered earth beneath my feet, long blond hair whipping wildly around his all to familiar face, eyes blank and hollow…and the dull 'thunk' and the crunch of a few bones as he hit the ground face first. _

_I stare in horror as he lay face down in the snow, his own blood surrounding him. _

_And I began to suffocate._

Thinking, thinking always thinking…that seems to be the only thing I do nowadays. But dolls aren't supposed to think. If they cant breathe, then why should they be given the privilege of thinking? Hm…I guess suffocating me wasn't enough, destiny just had to let me have something that would let me dwell on what had taken away my breath all those years ago.

It's been a while since I stopped breathing, and now all I can do is think and watch the others around me breathe and I watch with jealousy and want. I want to breathe again so badly.

Its such a simple action, and yet it keeps us alive.

Well…it keeps them alive. Because when you stop breathing you stop living, right?

_I reach up with my hands pale and brittle, and I clasp the bars of my prison and I stare out into the cold blizzard outside. My eyes stung and my throat burned and my whole body hurt._

'_I want to die.' _

_And it suddenly got a little harder to breathe._

The kids…the way they breathed just came so naturally. They were lucky and they didn't even know it, I wished I could breathe like them.

Sakura-chan…her breathing was carefree and yet she savoured every breath as if it were her last. She deserved her breath.

Syaoran-kun. His every breath is pained and laboured with his hard work and strength. He's such a good kid. I just cant bring myself to be jealous of him. He worked for his breath. Because his every breath was for Sakura-chan.

Kurogane…_Kuro-sama_. My hands clenched into fists at my sides and I closed my eye. So much more aware of the black cloth that covered the place my other eye should have been. His every breath was so wasted on him, why should someone like him get to breathe (sweet, sweet breath) and I don't?

My fists loosen and my hands relax…and I open my eye.

_A tall man with long black hair wearing beautiful robes reaches out a helping hand with a careful smile and eyes that showed a warmth that was also just as carefully placed. I stare for a moment, before reaching out and taking his hand, his cold, cold hand. _

_And my chest began to hurt with the strain._

Maybe…maybe it is I, who don't deserve to breathe. Don't deserve to _live…_

'_I want to die….'_

I've wanted it for so long now…but it seems that Hitsuzen has other plans, that for some sick and very twisted reason seem to involve Kurogane. The man with so much breath to spare, that it just seems so unfair that he should have so much. But then again, life is, and always has been unfair…ne?

Ah, he such a fool. I hate everything about him, I hate how he saves me without thinking for a second about what **I** want…I just cant forgive him.

Especially now that he is wasting all of his breath on me. That's odd…wasn't I wishing not to long ago that I could have the breath he wasted? I guess he just found another way to waste it I guess.

_I stand before the Dimensional Witch and see three other people beside me. A boy on the ground clutching to a young girl, and a crouching man…dressed in black and carrying a sword. But before I can look away he glances my way and our gazes are caught. _

_He stared for a moment before narrowing his eyes in obvious dislike and looked back at the witch. So I smile and bow and introduce myself…but those eyes, those blood red eyes--though I did not know it then--would forever be imprinted in my mind and thoughts. _

_And in those moments that our eyes had met I swear that I could feel my chest fill with precious breath._

I hate this. I hate being a vampire, forever cursed to live off of the life of another…but I hate him more for turning me into this monstrosity that I have become. I hate how the smell--I have a sense of smell though I cannot breathe, how ironic--of his blood draws me in no matter how hard I try to resist. The spice…the scent of his blood is like spice and its taste is just as spicy. And I _**hate **_it.

I feel like destroying something.

He's watching me again. He should really stop that, staring is rude and a very bad habit. Does he seriously think that I don't notice? Hn, what a fool.

I close my eye and I fall back on my bed, my arms spread out over the sheets and some of my hair fell in my face but I don't mind. And he's still watching, I know he is. He always is nowadays…I wish he would just _stop_.

As I lay there I think about one of the many stupid things he's ever said to me….

"_If you want to die that much then I'll kill you myself! But until that day, you're going to live!"_

And he calls me the idiot. Does he ever think before he says these things? I seriously doubt that he would ever kill me…he simply doesn't have the heart. We've both gotten to close, to attached…I guess I wasn't the only one who had drawn a line. And I wasn't the only one to cross it either.

"Oi."

I blink, and then I turn my head because he is sitting in my blind spot obviously so I couldn't see him, and I smile (fake, fake so very, very fake…).

"Yes, Kurogane?" Though he doesn't burst out into a furious fit of rage and start yelling profanities like before I can tell…he is angry. Actually, he seems absolutely livid. Hm…how amusing.

"You think I was being selfish, don't you?"

How does he do that? That thing where he reads my mind…its starting to get _really _annoying.

"Now why would I think a thing like that? You saved my life I don't see anything selfish about-"

"But you hate me for it." It wasn't a question, a remark…the stating of a fact. Was I really that obvious? Hm…maybe I should take acting lessons since I seem to be so bad at it. Or maybe he should just butt out.

Somehow I manage to keep (lying) smiling as I watch his expression. Why is he so hard to read?

"You have no idea what you're talking about…Kurogane."

I watched as he got up from where he sat across the room and approached the bed. From where I lay it seemed as if he was towering above me. _(…Above me…) _I shivered. And I could almost feel the heat radiating from the skin of his hand that he had placed next to my face. I turned my head again so that I could look him in the eye.

"I know exactly what I'm talking about, drop that fucking mask for once and show your _real _self!" Hm, that's harder than you think it is Kurogane.

My smile is gone now as I watch your expression change.

"The way I see it here, is that you're the selfish one."

Me? The selfish one? You have got to be kidding me, I'm the one who didn't want to get involved. I didn't want to get involved because I didn't want anyone getting hurt _because _they were involved with me.

"Oh, how so?" Is there any level of anger passed livid? If there is, he's there.

"You were so willing to die, so willing to give your life for a so called _noble _cause…but really all you were about to do was hurt the very people that you never wanted to get involved with in the first place, that princess, the kid…" when he paused it seemed like he had gotten just a little closer.

"If you had died…it would completely crush that princess. Do you want that?"

_Sakura-chan…_No, I don't want to hurt her. That's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to hurt anyone.

"…No." he seemed rather satisfied with my answer. Bastard.

A moment passes and I frown at him.

"You know, you can move any time you want too…"

"Why should I?"

He knows very well why he should that bastard, because it makes me uncomfortable to have him over me like that…_over me_.

Its been like this for a while now, the need to have him over me; pressed against me. The raw _want _to know exactly what he tastes like…and I hate that too. I hate these feelings, I don't even know why they're there. How could I let it get this far? He's right, I am an idiot. I should have been more careful.

But now these feelings are here and there's nothing I can do about them except suppress them.

And instead of glaring at him and telling him to fuck off like I want to (because if he doesn't move soon I'll do something so stupid, so very, very stupid….) I smile again, just because I know it will piss him off.

"You have to be _uncomfortable _leaning over me like that."

Suddenly he's in my face, (almost literally) so close that I can feel his breath--sweet, sweet breath--brush against my lips and cheek. And I stare wide eyed into the only eye of his that I can see and the pure, _raw _emotion I see somehow makes me feel weightless.

"I don't care about your past, I don't care about what you've done; all the good and the bad things…"

Tch. Such a broken record….

Its only because I could now only feel his breath across my lips now that I noticed that he had inched a little closer. He was _way _too close for comfort now.

"And I certainly don't give a damn about that stupid delusion of yours that its your fault everyone around you gets hurt…but it's to late to back out now and you know it, we're already too involved. And ignoring it isn't going to make it go away…"

"I have no idea what it is your talking about…" I was trying so desperately to ignore now close he was. Every muscle in my body was taut with the strain of trying not to bring my face up the very few centimetres that separated our faces and do what I've been longing to do all this time.

He didn't seem as angry as before, I don't get it; I'm intentionally trying to push his buttons to get him ticked and he's _calming down_?! Why won't he just _**go away**_!

And before I know it my hands are on his chest and attempting to push him away but he's not budging; and then I stop. He had grabbed one of my hands and now its pinned to the headboard of my bed.

Oh god.

Not good, _so _not good.

"You're not going anywhere wizard. I'm not letting you run anymore!" And then…

He kissed me.

I could _feel _his breath filling my lungs as it passed through my lips and I found myself giving in much to easily. It was rough and needy, and if felt much, _much _better than I could ever hope to imagine in any of my thoughts or dreams.

His lips were hot and surprisingly smooth as they moved against mine, and for a moment I worried about how desperate I _knew _I was acting but only for a moment.

I knew I was falling, as I reached up with my other hand and wound my fingers in his short dark hair and tilted my head ever so slightly so that hopefully the kiss could go deeper. What I didn't know was that I was falling _hard_. _(So very, very hard.)_

Suddenly his lips were gone and before I could stop it a tiny whimper escaped and I nearly cringed at how desperate I sounded. Oh god, how could I let it get this far?

Before I could even give him a questioning glance his mouth was on my neck and I gasped, a sharp intake of breath (sweet, _sweet _breath) and my back arched upward to press against him. And though I was barely breathing, my breath coming in short little pants and gasps, I was still breathing.

My head was spinning and my heart just didn't want to slow down; I was so damn dizzy. I felt a moan leave me as his mouth moved downward slowly; over my collar bone, my chest (somehow always finding my sensitive spots) trailing his rough tongue over the flat surface of my stomach; I could feel my muscles quiver under my skin.

I could hear in the back round of everything that was happening the faint sound of my zipper being forced down--maybe breaking?--and felt him force my trousers and underwear down past my hips, all the way down to my ankles so that I could weakly kick them off myself.

And it just registers in my mind that I am completely naked now, and I feel a little awkward as I continue to watch his expression, his eyes always roaming. A tremor runs up my spine as he places his hot palms on the insides of my thighs and gently separated my legs.

I could feel my face burning as he looked me in the eye. God I hate how he could always seem to read my thoughts but I could never know what he was thinking.

And as he began to lean downward not once taking his eyes from my face I closed my eye and sigh; my hands gripping the sheets beneath me.

**RrRrRrRrRrRrRrRr**

I could feel the sharp cry of pure and utter ecstasy rip from my throat ringing in my ears and sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through my veins as I released into his hot hand, my back arching upward painfully as I felt him come to a finish inside me moments after.

As he grunted my name in my ear, his cheek pressed to my own I felt a pleasant warmth wash over my tired, aching body soothing my muscles allowing me to finally relax.

Though he was much larger than myself (obviously) his weight was comfortable as I lifted my shaky arms and lazily wrapped them around him. My vision was so blurry and my head just didn't want to stop spinning; It was such an amazing feeling.

I gasped in shock as we were suddenly flipped over and I now lay sprawled over top of him and my cheek pressed against his chest.

There was a long moment of silence the only sound that I could hear being his rapidly beating heart, and the sound of his lungs filling with air with every soothing rise and fall of his broad chest.

And for some reason, my lips had turned upward into a smile. Still pressed against his skin.

"It's all your fault." I said with a smile.

I nearly laughed at the way he had tensed ever so slightly.

"What're you talking about idiot…."

Lifting myself up onto my elbows I realized that he had wrapped his arms around me and noticed just how good it felt.

With a smile still on my face_ (a real one, not a fake one, a real one)_ I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his cheek. My grin only grew as I felt the skin beneath my lips heat up.

"W-What was that for?" I laughed.

"Kuro-sama is so cute when he's embarrassed!" the shock of hearing one of my most commonly used nicknames for him seemed to make him clam up. And I laughed again.

"I guess you really meant it…" I felt his arms tighten around me and slowly lowered myself back down to lay against his chest again. Such a comfortable spot.

"…."

Seriously, had he forgotten already?

"You're really not going to let me run anymore…huh?"

"What do you think…" moving my head so that I could look at him and still lie down I smiled warmly at him.

"I think…that I don't want to run anymore." I placed a kiss on the spot that I had rested my head and nearly giggled when I felt him shiver. "And…I'm sorry."

I closed my eye and sighed as he pressed his lips to the crown of my head. I could get used to these gestures. And I smiled again, because even though he didn't say anything I knew that I had been forgiven.

For some reason, as I lie there in his arms completely at peace for the first time in god only knows when…it seemed like, I just couldn't stop grinning.

"I'm…glad."

"About what?"

"That it was _you _who helped me breathe again."

_Owari._

**RrRrRrRrRrRrRrRrRr**

**AN// Yay done! Hope you guys like it! Oh, and im taking a vote (cast your vote when you review! Just say which you want) Im planning on doing a fan sketch of one of the scenes in one of the chapters of this 100 themes challenge fic, and I cant decide which one I should do. Now keep in mind that Im gonna do one from the ones I've already completed, so choose one of them okay?**

**Anyhoo~ Please review kind readers!**


	11. Chapter 11: Memory

**AN// Okay here's another chapter, I hope you guys like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them.**

**Chapter Eleven: Memory / Summery: **_Kurogane had an amazing memory, and most of the time it came in pretty handy…but there were times when he wished he could just block crap out._

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Intro:**

Kurogane had an amazing memory.

He could remember even the slightest details, the little things that most people would miss. He could remember exactly how his home looked, right down to the shade of green the grass was, and he could remember that, had he been home, the Sakura flowers should be blooming right around this time of year.

He could remember every fight, every battle every kill that he had made in his lifetime; the raw feeling of his blade cutting through skin and muscle and bone. The gush of blood as it splattered his armor and stained his cloak.

Yes, he remembered it all.

And it wasn't just images he could remember, he could also remember how something sounded. Like the tiny sliver chimes that hung from the ornate headdress that Tomoyo-hime wore, and the sound of metal clashing on metal ringing in his ears making his heart race with the adrenaline and excitement of battle. He could remember the voices of his parents, his mother's soft yet elegant voice that would sing him to sleep, and wake him every morning sweetly. His fathers deep and rough voice that would tell him stories of his own previous battles as a little Kurogane sat and listened in awe as his father recounted his victories.

All of these memories and sounds could, in one way or another, bring him comfort. Every time that he found himself straying away from his mission he would find a peaceful spot where he would not be disturbed; he would sit down, lean back, close his eyes and remember. He would think of his home, and recall everything he could think of trying to make it easier to leave his friends.

Yes, he considered them friends. Well… actually, more like a sort of, family. But he would never admit this out loud. Sakura was like a sweet little daughter, so kindhearted and innocent. If anything ever happened to her he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself from slaughtering the people who had done that to her, curse or no curse. Syaoran, the son he never thought he would have, his courage and growing strength never ceased to amaze Kurogane, who took great pride in knowing that that boy was _his _pupil. He never told Syaoran that he was proud of him, though maybe he should. And even that little pork-bun Mokona was something like some stupid little family pet…

And then there was Fai.

He didn't know what to think of Fai. What was he to him exactly? Was he a friend? An acquaintance…? He really didn't know.

Kurogane had never been more torn in his life. It was so difficult (though he knew it really shouldn't be and that it was probably his own fault) to make the choice, to leave them and return to his life in his world. Return to serving his princess.

But it was _so __**fucking difficult!**_

And he really wished he didn't have to make this decision.

**End Intro.**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Kurogane's memory came in handy most of the time, but sometimes he wished he could just block crap out.

Like right now for instance.

He couldn't even make eye contact with that moron anymore without remembering! And_ it_ happened nearly two months ago (at which point he had started insisting that he share a room with his student while Sakura took the other room with Fai) Why couldn't he just get over it already and forget it!

…Oh yeah, his memory. _**Fuck.**_

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

"Ne, is Kuro-sama alright?"

"…"

"It's not very nice to ignore me like that Kuro-myuu!"

"…Hn."

Kurogane could just hear the blond pout but didn't dare turn to face him. He knew it was stupid but he just couldn't do it. Because every time he even glanced Fai's way, his memory would make him see _it_ again.

"Kuro-puppy, why are you ignoring me?"

"…."

And surprisingly enough Fai just walked away. Kurogane sighed.

_This really fucking sucks…'_

About two months ago, when they had still been sharing a room; Kurogane had awoken to some very…er, _interesting _noises coming from the person lying next to him (they had to share a bed for like the billionth time because there were only two rooms and the kids refused to share a bed and Syaoran insisted with sleeping in the same room as the princess). Being only slightly curious (and really annoyed since he was trying to sleep and ninja's who did not get their sleep got really cranky really fast) Kurogane glanced over his shoulder and nearly choked on his own spit. And even though he knew he should really stop staring, he found that he couldn't. There was Fai, half of his flushed and sweaty face pressed into his pillow his mouth open as he panted and gasped for air, one of his hands gripping the sheets beneath him his other was down his night pants. His eyes were closed and he was obviously dreaming and in spite of himself Kurogane wondered just who on _earth _he was dreaming about.

And then he regretted wondering.

Because the moment the thought had been finished Fai moaned a name softly into his pillow.

"_Nngh. Kuro-sama… please…" _

And now every time he so much as looked at him that image, that _memory _would appear and it was bad enough that he had to think and dream about it without having to _see _it while he was _awake_.

And of course, being who he is Fai does NOT like being ignored…not one little bit. And Kurogane knew that, but he had no choice, he just couldn't look at him anymore. Because he was afraid that if he did and had to be subjected to that mental image one more time…

He was going to _fucking _lose it.

In other words…rape was a very likely possibility here.

But unfortunately for Kurogane, Fai was not one to just lie down and take it; he DID NOT like being ignored. So once again he had cornered him later that day while the kids were out exploring and began his epic quest to weasel an answer out of the very irritated and very frustrated ninja.

How did do that you ask? Well, how do you think? He annoyed him to death of course!

"Ne, Kuro-sama, tell me why you're ignoring me!"

"…."

"Has Kuro-puu gone mute?"

"…."

"Has Kuro-tan forgotten how to speak?"

"…." Fai resisted the urge to laugh as he watched his dark ninja grit his teeth and clench his fists. _'Just a little more…' _he thought.

"Oh I get it, Kuro-daddy is pouting because mommy is paying more attention to Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun! Don't be jealous daddy mommy loves you too!"

That seemed to get "daddy's" attention. He turned on Fai not a moment after the words had left his mouth the look that he gave Fai was angry and annoyed, and frustrated and a lot of other things that Fai didn't really recognize.

"You want to know why I won't talk to you?! Why I won't even LOOK at you?!" Fai was sure that Kurogane hadn't noticed because he didn't seem all that effected by it but there faces were really close now and Fai had been pressed against a wall so moving wasn't really an option.

Fai was silent, so Kurogane continued.

"I was ignoring you because you were having a fucking _wet dream _while I was lying AWAKE right next to you! And you know what else?!"

Fai was so embarrassed that though his face was red and his heart was hammering away in his chest he just stared up at the ninja with wide nervous eyes and without really thinking first he nodded ever so slightly.

And in an unexpected turn of events, Kurogane's cheeks turned a very light, barely noticeable shade of red. Fai blinked in confusion.

"You…talk, in your sleep…"

Fai could have _died_, right on the spot. Dear lord, what had he said?

"Um…what, exactly… did I say?"

Silence.

Fai looked down at his feet, face seven shades of red and (for some reason) resisting the urge to run like hell and never look back. He eventually chanced a glance up at the ninja, whom still had his hands on Fai's shoulders.

"…?"

"You…you said…"

"…yeah?" he felt the hands on his shoulders grip tighter.

"Why."

"Why?"

"Why did you say _my _name, why _mine_."

Silence again.

As Kurogane stared down at Fai, who had his head bowed and his arms hung loosely at his sides.

"I thought it would have been obvious." Kurogane watched curiously as Fai glanced up at him and their eyes met and a very small, very weak (and desperate and lonely, and oh so dejected) solemn smile on his lips.

Kurogane stared down at Fai, saw the raw bleeding crack in the surface of the ever resilient mask begin to grow and he closed his eyes.

This time he didn't remember anything when he closed his eyes.

Now he had something else he could remember when he looked at Fai.

He could remember their first kiss.

And how the kids had decided they would walk in right at that moment.

'_**Fucking memory…'**_

**oOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**AN// I kinda like this one, not really sure.**

**FEED BACK PLEASE! X3**


	12. Chapter 12: Insanity

**AN// Chapter twelve is here! And with any luck, perhaps I can work on thirteen too!**

**Chapter Twelve: Insanity / Summary: **_It is difficult to clutch to the very last thread of sanity left in you, when it's slowly slipping through your fingers._

**Disclaimer: I don't own them.**

**Warning, SPOILERS for infinity and Nihon arc's, slight Celes arc spoiler!**

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

When they first started out on this journey, they knew not a thing about each other except their names. There was Syaoran, Sakura, Mokona, Fai and Kurogane.

Fai knew Syaoran was a hard working, strong willed young man the moment he saw him. The look of pure determination and worry for the girl clutched in his grasp was so pronounced, that he noticed it almost instantly.

Later on, he knew Sakura to be a kind hearted, loving, self-sacrificing young woman, who cared so deeply for the well being of others, even when she didn't know them at all.

Mokona was a mischievous little rascal, but could be infinitely wise on rare occasion.

And then there was Kurogane. As they traveled Fai got to see the kind of person he seemed to be, and the kind of person that he really was. On the outside he seemed to be a tough and brooding, and was easily annoyed… and if he looked a little bit deeper, he could see his strong will and the need to keep his comrades safe. And at the very bottom, so deep down that it was possible that not even he himself could see it, he could see just how much he really _cared _for each of them.

As they all traveled and got closer and closer, Fai found that over the years after all that he had seen…those horrible, horrible things. He found that his sanity was stretched very thin between their small group. They were the only reason that he did not simply just lose it, the only reason he kept smiling. He had to smile, if only to heal those deep bleeding wounds in the children's hearts. Especially after what had happened back in infinity, and Sakura had told him,_ "Do not smile, if you don't feel like it."_

It had surprised him at first, to have had Sakura-chan say that. He didn't think that she had known…he had _hoped _she hadn't noticed.

The first little piece of sanity that had begun to slip away was Syaoran, or…who they _thought _was Syaoran. The boy who could always make Sakura-chan smile, the boy who could smile so easily and actually mean it when Fai could not. He brought a little bit of light to them all, and then…he left, And now this new Syaoran, the _real _Syaoran so like the other one, but different at the same time…did what he could to make things right.

The second little piece was Sakura-chan. He had stabbed her, she had changed the very fabric of fate to save Syaoran…and he _stabbed _her. She wasn't even the real Sakura, but she had always been so kind and caring and she was always concerned for them…for him. When all else failed, she could always make him smile for real, if only a little. She had such a wonderful type of magic, she could heal people. The way he had always wished he could…and he _stabbed her._

He was truly a horrible person.

And the last piece was taking longer to slip away. It lingered, hesitating on his finger tips and he just wanted to reach out and grasp it, tight in his palm and never let go, and at the same time wanted to pull his hand back and let it leave. He had kept saying, "It's none of my business." And, "I don't care about your past." But he kept pushing…and prying and he had saved him when he didn't want it. If he had died, then the other Syaoran would have lost his magic, and beating him would not be the chore it is now. But he did it, he saved him. And now he is cursed to live off of him forever, or at least until he gets his eye back… _if _he gets his eye back.

That last piece, that little red thread so delicate and fragile that made him border on the edge of insanity was finally beginning to fall away, and he was scared. He couldn't lose it; he couldn't lose the only thing, the only _person _keeping him sane! As they fell into the next world he screamed out in horrified anguish as blood continued to poor from the gaping would in his shoulder, where his arm should have been. Salty tears that felt like scalding water on his skin dripped down onto the dry earth underneath his clenched fists as he watched him being carried away, his last tiny bit of sanity was being taken.

"Do not worry." A soft voice said, so calmly that he wanted to strike that person down for being so calm when his sanity was being carried away from him. He looked up to come face to face with perhaps one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen, dressed in such beautiful robes and hair long and black and violet eyes that shimmered with so many emotions that Fai just stared wide eyed and speechless.

"Kurogane will not die." And he trusted her and her words… her soft voice soothing him and stopping his panic, but not his tears.

**xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

He stood calmly outside of the door, two shadows on the other side could be seen through the thin rice paper and he closed his eye and listened. He listened to Tomoyo-hime's soft voice as she praised her ninja on his epiphany. Fai smiled a tiny smile, as he listened to the rough voice of Kurogane, so calm and unfazed, even though Fai was sure that he must be in such agonizing pain. Smile gone he took four steps forward taking only half a moment to watch the shadows and make sure that they had acknowledged his presence outside the door before sliding it open. His feet bare against the cool wood were quiet as he stepped up to the futon on which the ninja was resting and looked down, calm and unsmiling for once.

The ninja stared back, Fai could see in his eyes that he was ready to fight back. Perhaps he thought that Fai was angry for saving him again. The wizard almost smiled…_almost_. But before the man could say anything Fai raised his fist and swung, knocking Kurogane back. Looking up he saw the stunned expression on the other mans face, and smiled.

"That was payback, Kuro-_sama­_." His grin grew when he saw the relief in the others eyes even though he was smirking.

"I'll beat you up you bastard." He felt something heavy in his chest lift, and nearly sighed with the relief. Such a wonderful feeling this was.

**xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Fai smiled to himself, as he listened to the steady heart beating in the ninja's chest as he lay there draped over top of him, his head resting on his chest and reveled in the afterglow of their love making. His heart felt so warm, and so full to bursting that he had to keep himself from crying. He had never felt his whole before, not once. He closed his eye and imagined a tiny red thread, wrapping around his heart. He also imagined that same thread had reached out and tied itself around the heart of the man beneath him. His smile widened and he buried his face into the tan chest below him.

A low rumbling sound that sounded like a chuckle sent shivers up his spine. Lifting himself up on his elbows, his wispy blond hair curling to frame his face as he smiled at the red eyed man…a metal arm reached up and cupped the back of his head, pulling him down for a kiss, gentle and tender. When they broke apart, staying close enough so that they could still feel each others breath against their skin.

"Kuro-sama…"

"Hm?"

He laughed lightly and laid back down, and closing his eye. He could sense the other roll his eyes and just lay their, loving his warmth.

"One of these days you are going to drive me insane."

And Fai just smiled.

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**Done! Review please!**


	13. Chapter 13: Misfortune

**AN// Hey all! Sorry for the extremely late update, my best friend got kicked out of her house because she couldn't find a job on time and so she lives with me. Since she is now living with me I hang out with her all the time and the only time I get to write is at school during my free block. So, sorry!**

**Chapter Thirteen: Misfortune / Summary: **_Luck. Some have it, some don't. And some think that Luck is just a myth, but whatever the case, Kurogane wished that he could give some of his to Fai._

**This is AU folks, Alternate Universe! And they are in their early teens okay? Just so you know.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Tsubasa, they belong to CLAMP.**

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**First Visit:**

"I don't wanna."

"Now, now Youou it's only for a couple of weeks. It'll be good for you!"

"Yeah, yeah...doesn't mean I have to like it." His mother smiled encouragingly and stroked his hair affectionately (ignoring the way he tried to tilt his head away from the "embarrassing" gesture).

Youou Kurogane was fifteen years old, he had short, spiky black hair and dark red eyes. He had average grades in everything but physical education (which were excellent if he may say so himself) and he never smiled. He was either glaring or scowling at everything in sight, or smirking at his victims. No, he wasn't a bully by any means, he was the guy that beat up the bullies. He could never stand those jerks, picking on the smaller and weaker, just because they could. Those kinds of people disgusted him.

But we're off topic here, Kurogane was pissed. Why? Because his mother (whom he loved very much don't get me wrong) was forcing him to volunteer at the hospital mere blocks from their house. He didn't understand how volunteering would help _him_, but he has known the consequences of not adhering to his mother's wishes, and he does not wish to know them again. He scowled at the towering white building, the sunlight glinting off of the curtained windows and glaring in his eyes. He squinted and shielded them with an arm. He felt his mothers hand on his back gently nudging him forward.

"Go on, I called before we came here so they are expecting you. You be on your best behaviour and listen to what the nurses tell you, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah whatever..." She simply smiled and watched as her son (now as tall as she was-where does the time go?) shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and stalked off through the hospital doors. Hopefully helping people would do him some good...and maybe someone else too.

When he walked through the glass doors the first thing he noticed was the smell. His nose scrunched up at the unpleasant scent of disinfectant and latex and stalked over to the main desk. Still scowling he watched as the reception lady looked up at him through her half-moon spectacles and smiled, her lips thin and painted dark red with lipstick.

"How may I help you?" Kurogane shifted his weight to his right foot and glanced around, as if he were about to commit a crime and then tried his best not to scowl at the receptionist. If he blew this his only other choice was the old folks home...and he would rather not thank you.

"I'm Kurogane, I'm here to..._volunteer_." He growled the word like it was the most unpleasant thing in the world. It seemed as if she chose to ignore his sour attitude and smiled wider.

"Oh yes, your mother called not to long ago. Here I'll help you get set up!" typing something in on her computer and then reaching into a drawer she pulled out a little laminated card with a clip on it and held it out to him. He stared at it for a moment before actually taking it and clipping it to his jacket. It wasn't bad enough that he had to volunteer here he also had to have it announced to everyone in the building. _Great_.

"A nurse will be here momentarily to show you to the patients room..."

"Patients room?"

"Yes, you didn't know?" Kurogane tried his very best not to glare. He really did. "We actually get quite a few student volunteers and while we would usually just have you help out the nurses with all of the patients we decided just to assign you to one. He's a cancer patient and he's been really lonely as of late and we thought it would be best if he had someone up there just to help him out and keep him company..." if it was even possible, his scowl deepened. _'Which means in other words, he wont stop bothering the nurses and staff so you want me to keep him distracted...just great, its probably some snot nosed little brat'._

The receptionist gestured to the chairs. "Please take a seat while you're waiting." And went back to work. He flopped down in one of the hard plastic chairs and sunk down low, hoping that the nurse got held up some how and never came so he could leave. This is not how he wanted to spend his weekends. He wanted to go bike riding, and skate-boarding and play football with his friends, not stay cooped up in some smelly old hospital all day. He glanced over at the glass doors and narrowed his eyes at the narrow streams of sunlight filtering through. What a waste of perfectly good weather.

His head snapped up when he felt a finger tap him lightly on the shoulder and saw a nurse smiling down at him. He held back an annoyed growl.

"Are you Youou?"

"Kurogane..."

"Excuse me?" he deadpanned...could this nurse _be _any dumber.

"Just call me Kurogane..._please_." his mom made him say it. But the nurse smiled and nodded clasping her hands in front of her.

"Alright Kurogane, please follow me." He reluctantly stood from his seat and began to follow. As he followed he shoved his hands as deep as they would go into his pockets and kept his head low. If there really were other students here, he didn't want anyone he knew seeing him here and finding out that he was volunteering...it would ruin his _bad-ass _image.

**KxFxKxFxKxFxKxFxKxFxK**

A three floor ride up an elevator and four or five turns later, they finally came to a stop outside a door. Kurogane stared at it and noticed the name scribbled neatly on the dry-erase board.

"_Fai."_

He raised an eyebrow. _'What a weird name...he must be foreign.'_ he watched as the nurse opened the door and leaned in, smiling over at the bed.

"Fai, you've got a visitor!" she then gestured to Kurogane, who sighed and took the necessary three steps through the door. He blinked.

On the bed was a boy, he didn't look that much younger than himself either. He had wispy blond hair that curled around his face which still held most of its childish round shape... and he had blue eyes. His eyes were round and wide and he looked surprised. Kurogane was a little confused, he could have sworn that he saw a tiny flicker of recognition in those eyes. It was probably just his imagination.

"Fai, this is your own personal volunteer! His name is Kurogane and he's here to help you out and keep you company." Kurogane watched as the surprise and confusion melted from his eyes and a bright and very amused smile broke out across his face. The nurse smiled too, and Kurogane could see relief in her eyes. Either she was just happy that Fai was happy with him, or she was glad that she could work without being bothered. He was going to go for the latter.

"You two have fun now!" And with that the nurse left. When she closed the door Kurogane found himself feeling trapped. When he looked back, the blond boy was sitting up, he had been leaning back before. He waved.

"Hi!" Kurogane glared.

"Hn..." his grunt of recognition only seemed to amuse the blond boy further. Which made him even more mad than he already was.

"Well aren't you the talkative one! My name is Fai, nice to meet you!" Kurogane just muttered a 'whatever' and stood their awkwardly. He had no idea what to do. Fai could see his obvious annoyance with this entire situation, and decided that he would have a little fun with this guy while he could.

"Why don't you sit down Kuro-rin standing like that can't be comfortable..."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!" despite the yell Fai did not flinch, nor did he cringe. He just sat there and smiled, gesturing to the chair at his bedside. The dark teen reluctantly sat down, and stayed silent.

It was a little odd to Kurogane. Wasn't this guy a cancer patient? Shouldn't he be depressed and sulky? And he found himself wondering for a moment what kind of cancer it was...if it was one of the really serious ones (well they were all serious but you know what he meant) he would feel really bad for the kid. He found himself relinquishing the scowl on his face and opting for a neutral look. No one, not even an annoying little brat like Fai deserved to die at such a young age. Kurogane looked up at Fai-who had been talking this entire time about this and that and making animated hand gestures to try and demonstrate his points.

Now that he really looked at the kid, he was unnaturally skinny. The small cloth hospital gown's collar actually slipped over his shoulder a little. And he had rings under his eyes, they were barely noticeable but they were there.

And that smile...there was just something off about it, like it wasn't even real.

"-And the food here is _terrible! _Have you ever tried the hospital food Kuro-sama?" Kurogane's eye twitched.

"My name is _Kurogane_!" to his annoyance Fai just laughed. Well, at least that was a little real. Fai smiled slyly and shrugged nonchalantly.

"I know! It's just, your name is so long and so I thought I would shorten it a little bit! Aren't the nicknames just the cutest?"

"Who gave you permission to do that?!" He decided to ignore the cute comment. But Fai just brushed him off and decided to take a break from the teasing.

"So, Kuro-woof why are you here anyway?"

"..."

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that Kuro-tan..."

"I said, my mom made me volunteer..." Fai looked a little disheartened. It wasn't like he expected Kurogane to be here of his own free will. When he had walked into the room he had thought-hoped-that he had been here to visit him. He had scolded himself mentally for even hoping. Why would anyone ever want to visit him? He had no family (other than his uncle in another country), his friends were uncomfortable around him...he had no one. But none the less... Fai smiled. It was all he could do to keep himself from sinking deep into depression.

"Ah...hey Kuro-buro?"

"Kurogane..."

"Kuro-nii, do you like games?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because they're for kids..." Kurogane was not at all amused when Fai's smile widened.

"But you are a kid Kuro-chu!" Kurogane was thoroughly pissed. What the hell was with this guy?

"How old are you, five? Games are for _little_ kids..." This comment didn't faze Fai in the least. Even still, Kurogane found himself feeling slightly amused when Fai pouted.

"Kuro-sama is no fun at all, all he's good for is a grumpy attitude and a pretty face!" Kurogane felt his face heat up at the last comment.

"Don't make stupid comments like that!"

"Why not?"

"Because it makes you sound gay..."

"Well, what if I told you I was?"

"..." If he was expecting anything at this point, it wasn't that. He thought he would have been offended or something. They both seemed to settle into a short, but awkward silence.

"I don't care."

"Hm?"

"I said I don't care...if you are gay, that is."

Another short silence.

"I don't judge people like that, if you are...gay...that's your business." Fai laughed. Was this guy for real?

"You say it like its a curse! Being gay is not a curse by any means, and saying the word definitely isn't going to magically turn you gay!" Fai took great enjoyment in the embarrassed and angry flush on the others face. He wondered, for a moment, from a scale of one to ten exactly _how _uncomfortable his new friend was now.

"Does my being attracted to other boys make you uncomfortable Kuro-cutie?" Fai's amusement grew when the embarrassed flush got darker.

"...No."

That would be a seven...nine tops.

But Fai just smiled, and Kurogane just scowled. After the awkward conversation Kurogane actually found himself _not _hating the guy...he was still annoying as fuck though. And after what only seemed like minutes passing the door opened and both boys looked up. And to Kurogane's ever growing annoyance, it just had to be his mother standing in the doorway.

"Kurogane, I thought I asked you to meet me in the lobby after your time was up? I've been down there for nearly a half an hour now." Damn! How could he have forgotten? He was just glad that his mom remembered to call him that instead of that embarrassing first name...he'd hate to think how Fai would manage to butcher that too. He looked away.

"Sorry mom..." he glanced up to see his mom smiling at Fai.

"Why hello there..." Fai smiled brighter.

"Hello ma'am! You are Kuro-wanwan's mom?" Dear lord, not the nicknames! He watched the surprised expression on his mothers face melt into something more amused.

"Why, yes I am. And you are?"

"My name is Fai.! It's nice to meet you!"

"Well it's nice to meet you too Fai, I hope my son hasn't been a bother..."

"No not at all! Kuro-woof is actually really good company!" Kurogane stood up wanting to get the hell out of there as fast as he could. Or at least before he worked his way to the _extremely _embarrassing ones.

"Let's go."

"Awww, you're leaving already?" Kurogane's mother smiled warmly at Fai.

"Don't worry, he'll be back next weekend, end every other weekend after that for a while, okay?" Fai smiled and nodded before looking at Kurogane and waving enthusiastically.

"See you then Kuro-puppy!"

That was the point at which Kurogane grabbed his mothers hand and pretty much dragged her from the room and stormed down the hallway.

When they reached his mothers car he immediately slumped down in the passengers seat and roughly shoved his seat belt on. He waited as his mother got in the car and started it up.

"So, how was your first day of volunteering sweetie?"

"It sucked." And she just smiled.

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**Second Visit:**

The next week, Kurogane had pretty much demanded that he go alone. When asked why he simply mumbled something under his breath and left the house in a hurry, not wanting to be pulled into getting a ride. As ridiculous as that sounds.

He just didn't want his mom coming up to the room with him when he went to see that blond moron. Having that idiot calling him stupid nicknames was bad enough, he didn't need his mom up there telling him humiliating stories about him when he was a baby. That was not allowed. Nuh uh.

When he got there he just walked through the doors, his nose still scrunching up at the smell of antiseptic before walking straight up to the receptionist and getting his card. He clipped it on and hopped on an elevator.

He stood outside Fai's door, not quite sure if he wanted to go in or not. Well, he kinda had too, but he still wasn't sure. Finally he reached out, turned the nob and walked through the door. But when he looked over to frown at him for smiling, or for whatever it was he was doing...he was asleep.

Fai just lay there peacefully. His blond hair pooled around his head like a halo, his thin, pink lips parted slightly, his thin chest rising and falling with each soft, gentle breath and his light eyelashes fluttering lightly against his cheeks.

Kurogane stared for a moment his eyes glued to the picture painted before him, noticing the way the light hit his round, pale face making it seem as if his skin were glowing. He also noticed the way his light brows furrowed together in a small frown, disturbed by the light hitting his face. In a small act of consideration Kurogane walked over and closed the curtains before walking around the bed and sitting down in the visitors chair.

He vaguely wondered why this guy would need a volunteer to keep him occupied. Didn't he have family? Didn't he have friends that could come and visit him? But before he could think to hard on it he heard a soft sigh and looked up to see Fai stretching, his head pushing back into his pillow and his back arching up off of the bed. He flopped back down sighing with the relief and reached up to scratch his head lazily. Kurogane decided to make himself noticed.

"Oi..." Fai jumped, startled by his presence and stared eyes wide with surprise. Embarrassed by his own reaction Fai blushed and smiled nervously, twiddling his thumbs on his lap. The dark haired teen smirked, amused. A small part of him hoped that he would get to see Fai flustered more often. But he ignored that part.

"Oh, Kuro-pon you startled me! What time is it?"

"Its twelve in the afternoon."

"Oh my! I slept in that much? Silly me!" he giggled light heartedly and pushed himself up on unsteady arms and stretched once more for good measure.

Kurogane was not impressed. This act of his was really starting to tick him off, and he'd only visited twice! He was acting like he was fine, like everything was all fine and dandy when he was obviously troubled. The kid was pale and scrawny and obviously tired, though he had seemed to be sleeping peacefully, he wondered if it had been like that the night before. Huffing irately Kurogane shifted up from his slouched position on the visitors chair. That's when something, just in the corner of his eye caught his attention. A full tray of food sat on the table next to the bed, probably from breakfast. It was most likely cold now, but that couldn't really be helped, since Fai had slept in. He looked back up at the blond who had started talking again, about what? He didn't know...but it was irritating none the less. Gritting his teeth Kurogane stood from his seat making Fai look up, confused.

"You hungry?"

"Excuse me?"

"I asked if you were hungry." Fai smiled and waved his hand dismissively at this.

"No, I'm alright thanks!"

"That's a lie." Fai flinched back slightly, but regained his composure. But Kurogane noticed. "You probably haven't eaten since last night at the latest, and you slept in 'till noon, your breakfast is still on the table..." Fai looked down at his lap where his hands had twined together in a nervous gesture. He supposed that it was sort of obvious.

"Well, maybe a little then..." He glanced up from his lap at the other boy standing next to the bed with an expectant look.

"You want anything?"

"Hm?"

"Geez do you ever listen?" Fai laughed sheepishly.

"That depends, what are you offering?" Fai waggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Kurogane's face turned seven shades of red as he glared as threateningly as he could.

"Food you idiot! I'm going down to the cafeteria for food..."

"Something sweet please!"

"For lunch?" Fai nodded enthusiastically.

"Tch. Fine..." and with that he stalked off through the door, hands in his pockets and temper sparking. If he kept his up it would be flaring in no time.

**KxFxKxFxKxFxKxFxKxFxK**

"How old are you?" blinking at the question, Fai swallowed the bite of strawberry shortcake he had been chewing and smiled widely. Kurogane really didn't like that, there had only been two moments in which Fai had not smiled, and that was when he had woken up, and when he had caught him trying to lie.

"Well, how old are you?"

"Well, how old is Kuro-sama?"

"I'm fifteen, and its _Kurogane!_"

"What a coincidence, I'm fifteen too!" They were the same age? That was surprising. He wasn't sure why but Kurogane had this weird feeling that he had seen this kid somewhere before. "Ne, Kuro-Kuro that's no fair!" eyebrow raised in question the dark-haired teen shifted in his chair.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"We're the same age, and your so much taller!"

"What are you talking about moron, I'm only a few inches taller than you!"

"Ne, is Kuro-wanko always this grumpy?" _'You would be to if you had to see an annoying idiot every weekend' _

Now, Kurogane was _not _at all concerned about the blond idiot, nor was he worried about his obvious lack of sleep. It's just that Kurogane hated that someone could just sit there and act like everything was okay when everything obviously was _not_. How could he be so calm? How could he be so happy? Well, scratch that part, he knew that he was faking that part, he was way to obvious for his own good.

But Kurogane did not make his thoughts known and just growled angrily at the blond and almost snarled when he laughed and said that 'Kuro-puppy should be nicer or he'd end up in a pound'.

He was not amused.

"Kuro-tan should really learn to loosen up a bit!"

"And you should really stop lying." Fai had seemed quite taken aback by the comment, and Kurogane watched with narrowed eyes as the mask slipped an inch for only a moment, before pulling back up, a wide and most obviously fake smile pasted to his paper face.

"Why whatever are you talking about Kuro-"

"You know very well what I'm talking about!" He had stood at that point, his anger flaring and so close to boiling over the top that he had to keep himself from fisting the front of Fai's gown in his hands and shaking him back to his senses. Didn't this kid understand? Didn't he understand how serious his disease was? Didn't he care about his life?! The very thought that this kid may not care if he died or not made his blood boil faster.

And even though he was glaring at him more fiercely than he had ever glared at any kid his age before, Fai was not backing down. They stared, eyes locked and unblinking for what seemed like ages the only sound in the room being the light sound of the heart monitor blipping away, and the ticking of the clock on the opposite wall. Neither looked away when a nurse entered the room.

"Kurogane-san, your mother is in the lobby waiting for you..." she hesitated at the end, unsure of what was going on between the two boys.

His eyes narrowing in a cold and calculating glare analyzed the doll-faced blond for a moment longer before stalking out of the room much like he had on the first visit, not even offering a goodbye in return, hearing the cheerful farewell follow him out into the bleach white hallways.

**KxFxKxFxKxFxKxFxKxFxK**

**Third Visit**

On the third visit Kurogane took his sweet time getting there, counting the tiles on the floor as he walked toward Fai's room. He had tried to weasel his way out of coming, but his mother would have none of it. Unless he had a fever or a broken bone, he wasn't staying home.

After his little confrontation with Fai the week before, Kurogane had been a little...nervous. The very thought of seeing him again after that made him feel uneasy and something tight felt like it was pulling tighter in his stomach. He shook it off the best he could, and managed to keep his attention on the tiles. He would be calm, he would not let this guy's stupidity get to him (though it could be argued that he already had) he would be the epitome of centred and Zen.

Zen, ha! As if.

"Kuro-rin you came!" the raven haired teen clenched his teeth and kept his mouth shut. He would be calm. He would not yell. Because maybe, if he didn't give this little prick what he wanted (which was a reaction he knew that much) then maybe-just maybe-he would be able to crack that mask wide open. So instead of getting unreasonably angry and yelling himself hoarse, he simply walked over to the bed and sat down in his usual seat. When he glanced up at Fai he was pleased to see the confused and completely non-plussed expression and the very slight-barely noticeable-frown creasing his light brow. He almost smirked.

"What's up?"

"Hm?"

"Well you look confused..." he managed not to sound smug, as he took great enjoyment out of Fai's sudden confusion. This had to be the longest the blond had ever gone without a smile on his face, at least, around Kurogane. But no sooner had he thought that than that infuriating smile split across his face and he waved his hand dismissively.

"It's nothing!" once again in a feat of amazing control, Kurogane managed _not _to glare at the idiot. But instead remained calm and composed. _'I should win a freaking award for the crap I'm dealing with right now'_

"So, what's been going on for Kuro-tan this week?" A sudden idea struck him. He managed-again-not to smirk.

"School..."

"..."

"..."

"...That's it?"

"Yup." Fai didn't seem to notice that he wasn't smiling anymore as he analyzed Kurogane's person. He was slouched slightly in his seat with his hands shoved in his jacket pockets-though that was nothing new-and his expression was relaxed and nonchalant. Fai's only thought at the moment was, _'who the heck is this guy?'_ Just realizing that he hadn't been smiling like an idiot Fai quickly plastered one on.

"Are you feeling alright Kuro-chii?"

"I'm fine..." he watched with mild amusement as Fai's lips twitched. He was annoyed? Good, it was about time he learned his lesson. And never before had he known how thin his control had actually been until this point. He had nearly reached breaking point about five times during only fifteen minutes of this idiots rambling. But he stood strong, he would not break.

"-and the nice doctor man said I'd have to start chemo soon even though I really haven't been here that long, do you know what chemotherapy is Kuro-sama?" He almost frowned but stopped himself. Yes he knew what chemotherapy was...and he wasn't sure why the thought of Fai having chemotherapy disturbed him so much. It was a treatment to help get rid of cancer, right? Then why was he feeling like this?

He nodded in reply but Fai kept up his explanation. "-and they said that all my hair would fall out!" Fai looked absolutely mortified on the outside but Kurogane knew better by now. Even though he'd only visited three times for about two or three hours at a time. The idea of all of Fai's pretty golden strands being removed from his head (whether it was painful or life saving) disturbed Kurogane. He watched, unaware of the concerned expression on his face, as Fai ran his fingers through his very soft looking nape-length blond hair, and unconsciously wondered what it would feel like. Would his hair be soft? He thought so. But just as he was considering reaching out and testing that theory he forced the slightly disturbing thoughts(or so he said) into the dark recesses of his mind, locked them up and threw away the key before looking back up at Fai who was waving a thin hand in front of his face.

"Heeeellllooooo! Anyone in there?" without really thinking on it he reached up and grabbed the offending hand, about to reprimand the idiot on being such an idiot, when he suddenly found himself revelling in the softness that was Fai's skin as he held his hand. He wondered vaguely how a boy's hand could be so soft, but then again Fai didn't seem like the kind of kid who liked sports so he wasn't that surprised. He stared at the hand, unaware of what he was doing-so it seemed-and absent-mindedly began to gently rub circles into the palm of Fai's soft hand. It was when he finally looked up at Fai, taking in his surprised and darkly flushed features, that he finally realized what he was doing. He pulled his hand away and shoved it in his pocket, forcing down the blush that he realized had been surfacing, trying hard to calm down his rapidly thudding heart. What the hell was wrong with him?! How could he let his guard down like that for even a minute?! He mentally scolded himself and felt the knot in his stomach tighten with the awkward silence that came next. He glanced up at Fai a few minutes later, to see him staring at the hand he had been holding moments prior and flushing a pretty shade of pink. He forced himself not to think about how cute he looked.

Before Kurogane could so much as open his mouth to attempt to explain himself, Fai smiled brightly and laughed taking Kurogane by surprise.

"Ne, Kuro-sweetie is even sweeter than I originally thought!"

"S-Shut up..." damn-it! He did NOT just stutter!

"Aw! Kuro-cutie stuttered!"

"I did not damn-it!" his temper was flaring now and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't hold it back. Damn that idiot for getting on his nerves!

"Yes you did, and it was cute!" that, was the last straw. Reaching out Kurogane managed to fist a good amount of Fai's hospital gown in his hands before yanking him forward, glaring at him as viciously as a fourteen year old boy could, their faces so close that their noses were nearly touching.

"Shut your mouth!" He bit out viciously, his fists unconsciously pulling him closer. He glared menacingly into Fai's-now very wide-pale blue eyes. Those eyes of his, they were so clear, and there was no fake smile that didn't reach them this time, there weren't any lies. In his surprise he had dropped his mask, he could see pain, he could see loneliness. He felt his heart pang with guilt, and sympathy for the other seemed to wash over him like the steady tides of the ocean waves as he stared into those lonely, bright blue eyes. He felt his eyelids lower to half-mast and his heart felt like it had jumped up into his throat. He felt so light. He saw Fai's eyes lower to his mouth and the thought excited him, he wanted to kiss those trembling lips. Was this what it felt like, to have a crush on someone? Kurogane wouldn't know, he's never felt this way before, he's never wanted to kiss someone before. He craved to know what it felt like, and all he would have to do is lean forward, just a little bit.

His hands loosened their grip only a little bit as he, hesitantly leaned forward. He noticed how Fai craned his head upward, his eyes unfocused and hazy, also at half-mast. Their lips were mere millimetres apart, their breath ghosting across each others cheeks...their lips brushed-

When their was a sudden knocking at the door Kurogane's eyes snapped open and he let go of Fai's gown, and in his attempt to back up he tripped on his own feet and fell back into his chair sliding back into the wall. The nurse peeked in glancing at the two boys, both seemed rather embarrassed (not to mention Kurogane slumped so far down in his seat his head was against the back of the chair), but she thought nothing of it and smiled brightly at the blond boy.

"Fai, you've got some more visitors!" both Fai and Kurogane looked up in surprise as a girl, with light brown hair and bright emerald eyes walked in past the nurse, and Kurogane recognized her immediately. It was Sakura, she was in the grade below his but they went to the same high school. And just as she got through the door Syaoran, who was the same age as Sakura walked in behind her. He knew Syaoran, in fact they were friends! They played on the same soccer team at school. He watched as Sakura bounded over to Fai's bedside and put the bouquet of large white daisies she had brought in, in the vase next to his bed. Fai smiled.

"Hey Sakura-chan! Thank you for the flowers!" Sakura smiled brightly.

"No problem Fai-san!" and before she could say another thing it seemed like Syaoran chose that moment to notice his friend. He stared wide eyed at Kurogane for only a moment.

"Kurogane-sempai? What are you doing here?" He almost smiled, leave it to that kid to be polite and proper even after school hours. He reached up and tapped the volunteer card pinned to his jacket and let the kid figure out the rest. Kurogane was actually pretty annoyed, why? He had no idea. But he also had to force down a blush when he thought about what he had been about to do moments before those other two came into the room. He felt so stupid, how could he let his guard down like that in front of the idiot not once, but twice?! It was infuriating...hold on a second, what were the other two doing here?

Looking utterly nonplussed, Kurogane glanced over at Syaoran who kept a respectable distance from the bedside where Sakura was babbling away about school and such to the smiling, nodding blond. When Syaoran noticed he glanced over.

"What is it Kurogane-sempai?"

"How do you two know this guy?" at first Syaoran looked surprised, and then he just looked confused.

"What are you talking about Kurogane-sempai? Fai-san goes to our school." Sakura looked up still smiling.

"And he's in your homeroom too! Syaoran and I hang out with him all the time, how could you not know that?" Kurogane just stared at them. Yes, how could he not know something like that? He looked over at Fai, who was looking out the window facing away from him. His eyes narrowed as he continued to try and analyze the blond. You'd think that he would remember someone as annoying as this guy, and why didn't he bring it up? It's like they never noticed each other or something.

Or...Fai was keeping something from him. Yeah, he could believe that...but what? What could he possibly be keeping from him? He watched as Fai ignored his presence and chatted with Syaoran and Sakura. His gaze eventually softening as he watched the blond chatter. When he had been looking into Fai's eyes like that, he knew that he'd seen a part of the _real _Fai, the sad, scared, lonely Fai. Kurogane closed his eyes, his arms crossed over his chest still slouching in his seat. A surprisingly large part of him felt sympathetic for Fai, wanted to comfort him. He hated that he felt this way, that the blond moron of all people was _making _him feel this way, but he remembered what his mother had told him once. _You can't help how you feel, _she tended to spew things like that at him whenever he was troubled or thinking particularly hard on something, but they always seemed to help. He guessed that that would apply to this situation.

"Aw, you have to leave already?" he looked up to see a pouting Fai and an apologetic looking Sakura and Syaoran heading for the door.

"Sorry Fai-san, my brother wants me home before dark and its getting kinda late, but we'll be back I promise!" Sakura smiled sadly at Fai, who smiled back, but it was completely hollow. And yet neither of the kids noticed. Kurogane decided that he would use this sudden opportunity to find out more. He stood up drawing all three pairs of eyes toward himself.

"I'll just leave with you, my time's up anyway." He glanced over at Fai and caught him looking slightly crestfallen, if only for a moment before noticing Kurogane's stare and smiled.

"I'll see you next weekend then!" He sounded cheerful, but what with his lying and all it was hard to tell if he truly was or not. Kurogane stared for a moment, a look of a moments thought on his face before turning away.

"I don't have anything planned this week, maybe you'll see me sooner." Kurogane was glad that he had his back to Fai, so he couldn't see the slightest hint of a blush on his cheeks. Blue eyes wide with surprise he flushed pink as he watched his friends leave, Kurogane being the last one out the door. When they were gone, the hand that Kurogane had been rubbing gently with his thumb before reached up and rested on his heart. He closed his eyes, a sigh passing through his lips.

Had he really just tried to kiss him? Fai was sure that he wasn't dreaming, it had been way to vivid to be a dream. And could it be possible, that Kurogane could actually have...feelings, for him? He wanted so desperately to believe that. He could still feel the feather-light brush of Kurogane's lips on his own.

A sad and melancholic smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, and two steady streams slid down his cheeks from the corners of his bright blue eyes. A choked sob escaped him as his hand clutched at his heart the gown crumpling beneath his fingers tight grip and brought his knee's up to his chest.

Why him?

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"Hey kid" Syaoran looked over and smiled. Even though he was only a year younger than Kurogane, he never minded the 'kid' title. It was sort of like, an endearment of sorts, coming from his brooding sempai.

"Yes Kurogane-sempai?"

"Would you cut it out with the 'sempai' already? We're not at school kid." Syaoran flushed with embarrassment and laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

"H-Hai..."

"How long have you known that guy?"

"Um, I met him through Sakura-chan, apparently he was sent here by an uncle for his health...he's been with us all year and when we mentioned you he said that you sat _right _next to him." Syaoran nodded as he tried to remember if he had forgotten anything.

Kurogane could not believe what he was hearing. This guy had been sitting _right _next to him every morning all _year_ and he never noticed him _once_! He was annoyed with himself for not noticing. He had to be the _only _kid in the entire class with blond hair (black or brown are the more common colours)

Kurogane ignored the other two as he stalked off down another street when they called after him confused as to his sudden agitation and change of direction. But Kurogane did not stop.

He was gonna find out what the hell was going on, whether Fai liked it or not.

And he would rip that stupid mask from his pretty face, make him show his true self...

Even if it killed him.

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**Fourth Visit**

He wasn't sure if he liked the way the receptionist was smiling at him, it was as if she knew something that he was unaware of at the moment and it was really starting to tick him off.

"Well? Can I see him or not." Because he had been waiting for half an hour now while she had been taking phone calls and he was seriously irritated. She just smiled and clicked her tongue at his impatience before turning back to face her computer screen.

"I'm afraid he's in chemotherapy at the moment, but if you are going to be that adamant about it then I suggest you take a seat." And with that she returned to her work and ignored the scathing look on the young boy's face as he skulked over to the plastic chairs lined up against the wall and slumped down, ready for the possibly long wait until Fai's chemotherapy was over.

Kurogane closed his eyes and folded his arms across his chest. He knew that chemotherapy would help Fai, but he just couldn't imagine Fai without that messy mop of blond hair on his head, brushing his cheeks and the way he would tuck a few stray strands behind his ear every time they fell into his eyes.

He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, and then looked down at his right hand. It was weird, he could still feel the softness of Fai's skin on his palm, and strangely enough he wanted to feel it again. He wanted to hold Fai's hand...he had never held anyone's hand other than his mothers when he was still a small boy. But the softness of Fai's hand was much different from his mothers, hers were comforting and were always gentle and though he would never say it aloud, he loved it when she would stroke his hair or place her hands on his shoulders. It always managed to make him feel better.

But Fai's hands were soft in a way that they almost seemed frail. His skin was smooth and creamy, and yet felt so delicate, like rice paper beneath his fingertips. This was obviously a boy who had never known a days hard labour in his entire life, his illness, he thought, must have prevented that. Kurogane flexed his hand and felt the rough texture of his own palm, from hours of kendo and martial arts, with his fingertips, so very different from Fai's.

He shook his head and rested his arm back on the arm of the chair. He shouldn't be thinking about this crap, it was mushy and stupid and it made him feel like he was in one of those lovey-dovey soap opera's his mother sometimes liked to watch with his cousin Tomoyo. Fai was just a boy, just another boy who just happened to be very pretty and maybe even kind of cute, and he had such heartbreakingly beautiful eyes that Kurogane felt a little lost when he thought of them being blank, emotionless all of the humour and amusement gone from those shimmering blue orbs. He felt something constrict in his chest when he thought of those eyes being devoid of life altogether. He shuddered at the thought and subconsciously rubbed at his chest with his hand.

_'Why does it hurt so much?' _he thought, curling his fingers into the fabric of his black T-shirt. It was a deep ache and it was really starting to bother him. Why was there a lump in his throat? And why were his eyes stinging? He brought his other hand to his face and covered his eyes, wiping the stinging wetness away. His eyes widened in surprise, he was crying?! Hurriedly wiping his eyes Kurogane stood up and headed down the hallway to the bathroom.

After rinsing his face with cold water, to make sure that no one had seen, Kurogane looked up and saw his reflection in the small mirror above the sink. Small rivulets of water slid down his sun kissed cheeks and stained his shirt as they fell, and his bangs clung to his forehead completely soaked. Scowling angrily at his reflection he was tempted to just punch the stupid thing, shatter it into a thousand little pieces just so he wouldn't have to see that look on his face anymore.

He barely KNEW the guy for Pete's sake, why did he _care _so much? Growling in frustration Kurogane stalked back down the hall and started pacing in the lobby, back and forth glaring at the floor. He was _not _sad, he would _not _cry over an idiot like that guy.

He's only visited three times, during which they would have small arguments and they would talk about nothing and everything and Fai would joke and laugh and tease and Kurogane would yell and bark and sometimes even laugh a little himself. And he stopped pacing and just stared at the floor when he realized that he didn't want any of that to end, that he didn't want to never see that face again, even if the smiles weren't real, even if he kept things from him he wanted to keep being able to see him.

Again he looked at his hand, remembering the feeling of Fai's hand in his own and swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He had not realized that his little epiphany had taken that long to register until the receptionist had called his name.

"Kurogane-san, he is back in his room if you'd like to-" but he was already in the elevator.

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Even before he had stepped through the door he had been expecting to see a completely bald Fai, looking sad, tired and skinny as always. But instead what came into view was a not-so-hairless Fai looking drained with darker shadows beneath his eyes, poking sulkily at the food on the tray before him, his lower lip sticking out slightly in a pout. He watched as Fai looked up at him with tired eyes and closed the door behind himself.

"Ne, Kuro-"

"Shut up." He didn't sit down this time, instead he stood next to the bed with his hands in his pockets, this time with out a volunteer card clipped to his jacket. There was something off about him today, Fai noticed. He wasn't scowling or glaring like he usually was, and the demand sounded more like a passing remark, there was no scathing tone, there wasn't any bite to it. He watched as Kurogane ruffled his own hair, which was damp Fai noticed curiously, and sighed looking off to the side. "I told you I'd visit didn't I?"

Fai just stared.

Kurogane was standing there looking just as awkward as he felt, and if anything a little irritated but nothing more. Fai suddenly felt a little guilty, why? He didn't really know. Until Kurogane looked him in the eye and he knew what he was going to ask.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"..."

"And don't try playing dumb with me, I'm not an idiot." Fai looked down at his lap, chewing on his bottom lip. Somehow he had always known that he couldn't _not _say anything to him at all, but that hadn't kept him from trying. And look where it got him? He sighed faintly and rubbed his hands together nervously.

"I...I'm not really sure, actually...I guess-"

"You guess?" Fai paused, he refused to look up.

"I guess, I didn't want _us _to happen..."

"Us?" Fai laughed.

"You sure do ask a lot of questions Kuro-sama."

"And you sure do like to dance around the bloody question." Fai flinched. He was so achy all over, he wished it would stop.

"Yes, _us..._'us' as in a relationship of any kind." Another pause and Fai almost expected Kurogane to ask the obvious question of _'but why?' _but nothing came. A bitter smile pulled at the corners of his mouth and he let it happen. "I didn't want to get close to anyone, because I knew that there was no way I could survive this, I knew that I would just be hurting every single friend I made here if I got to close when I died...I...I just..." he could feel the tears trickle from the corners of his cerulean eyes and drip onto his lap, the bitter smile hadn't left. He pressed the heals of his hands into his eyes trying to force the show of his weakness back. "I j-just d-didn't want t-to hurt a-anyone..." _damn _he was stuttering. "I d-didn't want to h-hurt _you_..." Fai suddenly felt Kurogane's hands gripping his wrists, pulling them from his tear streaked face. Fai felt his heart clench painfully in his chest at the expression on his face, and he felt so weak when his feeble struggling wasn't enough to pull away from Kurogane's loose grip on his wrists. He was a mess, he knew. He just wanted to crawl in a hole a die somewhere where no one would find him. Where Kurogane couldn't see his pitiful state.

"Stop crying."

"H-Huh?"

"You heard me..." a warm, calloused palm cupped his cheek and a gentle thumb rubbed the tears away as he stared in confusion at Kurogane, whose expression was surprisingly gentle. "Sitting here crying isn't going to solve anything, so..." his hand stopped all movement and simply rested against his cheek as Kurogane leaned in closer, his breath ghosting across Fai's lips. "...Don't cry." Fai's eyes widened in shock as Kurogane pressed their mouths together gently, his lips surprisingly smooth. This had to be a dream, Fai reasoned. Why else would Kurogane be kissing him? The lips, soft but firm, pressed a little more urgently and so Fai kissed back.

Kurogane had wondered how it would feel, to run his fingers through Fai's soft blond hair. And he finally knew as he tangled his fingers in his messy blond strands. Fai's mouth was so soft, and smooth and Kurogane revelled in how easy it was for him to get lost in this, to get lost in Fai's softness. His tongue pressed against the seam of Fai's lips and when he pressed in, Fai did not fight it. He noted how sweet Fai tasted, and surprisingly enough, he didn't mind. His tongue pressed to Fai's encouragingly, and felt Fai hesitantly reply. This was their first kiss, it was sloppy and unexperienced, but neither of them cared because it felt right. And when Kurogane finally pulled away, both of them short of breath, he took in the sight of Fai, flushed and panting his lips slightly swollen from the heated, sloppy kiss and his eyes full to the brim with admiration and hope.

He was beautiful.

Kurogane closed his eyes and rested his forehead to Fai's, his hands still lost in his hair, and Fai's still gripping loosely to his t-shirt. He let his erratically beating heart calm, and inhaled the scent of Fai's candy flavoured breath. It was intoxicating and even though Kurogane had never been one for addictions, he would gladly give in to this one. When he opened his eyes again Fai was staring at him, and even though it was well hidden beneath everything else, the hope and the admiration, Kurogane could see the guilt. The two of them sat in silence, Kurogane seated on the bed next to Fai as close as he could get, and Fai did not let go of his shirt until his tiredness overcame him and he drifted off into a light slumber.

Kurogane stayed as long as he was permitted to, and never once left Fai's bedside. He held his thin hand in his, feeling his softness, and gently rubbed circles with his thumb on the back of his hand. And for once, Fai looked completely at peace. Kurogane glanced at the clock some time later, and noted that he should be leaving. Taking one more look at the blond, his face relaxed and hair strewn across his cheeks and eyes, he regretfully released his hand.

When he left the room, he didn't head for the exit.

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"I want to know." Kurogane stood firm and determined before Fai's doctor, he was not backing down until he did. The doctor raised a thin eyebrow at the young man who had strode into her office without so much as a warning. She recognized him though, the volunteer assigned to Fai, that poor boy. But why was he here?

"And what, may I ask, do you want to know?" Though she knew she should make him leave for this rude behaviour she was the slightest bit curious. The frown creasing his brow deepened and even though they were in his pockets she knew his hands were fisted.

"I want to know what kind of cancer that guy has..." ah, so he wanted to know about Fai?

"I'm sorry but I'm not permitted to give away that sort of information on my patients-"

"Please!" she sat there, eyes wide and surprised as the angry looking boy who had walked through her door became desperate. His expression never wavered, but she saw it in his eyes, and caught a hint of it in his tone, and he seemed like the type who was never desperate. Not to mention he didn't seem like the type to say _'please' _either. She stared at him contemplatively for a moment longer before sighing in defeat.

"He had two types of cancer, the first being bladder cancer in its earliest stages. We took care of that right away with the chemotherapy...the second though is much more serious."

"What is it?!"

"Leukemia, bone marrow cancer..." silence. Just...silence. She watched him as the information sunk in and listened to the seconds tick away on the clock hanging on the wall behind her. The shock of the news seemed to sink much deeper than she had originally thought it would, and a wide range of emotions seemed to pass through his eyes rather than across his ever frowning features. Shock, anger, fear, hopelessness, etc...the list went far and finally stopped at determined. She watched as he looked up at her with fire in his eyes.

"Test me." she blinked.

"Excuse me?"

"You need a match for bone marrow to cure it right?" he, at least, knew that much about this other than it was deadly. She just looked at him as he continued to stare her down, he wasn't backing down. She sighed, a little exasperated.

"Do you know the chances of you being a match are?"

"I know they're slim, but I still want to try." _'I won't give up on him, not yet!'_ she stared at him, expecting him to walk out her door defeated, but he didn't back down. If anything at all she had to admire his determination.

"You'll need your parents permission since you are still a minor..." she watched his reaction as he thought it out, and was surprised when he nodded and stalked out her door, managing not to slam it on his way out.

What a strange boy he was.

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"Are you sure you want to do this honey?" his mother held the forms in her hands, all filled out, but void of her required signature. She stared at her stubborn son with worried hazel eyes, as he nodded firmly. Not but two days prior to now he had gone to her and told her what he wanted, and she couldn't believe her ears. She had hoped that this experience would change him for the better, but she had never expected something like this.

"I'm sure." she turned her eyes to the clipboard in her hands and sighed, signing the form across the dotted line her loopy signature scrawled neatly across the paper. She handed it to the nurse standing next to them and stared worriedly at her son.

"Youou..."

"Mom, I want to do this..." he nodded again, as if to reassure himself. "I want to try." She stared, both worried and proud of her baby boy. Worry still set deep in her eyes she smiled, he was finally growing up.

"I know."

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"This is just impossible..." Dr. Sandra Welsch stared in amazement and shock at the results of the test. This had to be some insane form of luck, this was just completely and utterly impossible!

They had searched high and low for a match, but the closest they had ever came to one was a businessman in Osaka but he wasn't a close enough match.

She smiled to herself.

What a lucky boy.

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"You did what?!" Fai stared eyes wide as saucers at his former classmate, who stood tall and calm next to his bed. He couldn't believe it, he couldn't. Why? Why would he do that?

"I got tested..."

"But why?!"

"Because I wasn't just going to let you die without even trying!"

"You shouldn't have done that-"

"Why not?!"

"Because I'm not worth it!" and what happened next surprised the blond. His cheek stung and his head throbbed once...twice. He lifted his hand, it was shaky as he let his fingertips brush against the spot on his cheek where Kurogane's hand had hit home. He had slapped him. He looked at him, and it had to be the angriest he had ever seen the boy, and when he reached out and grabbed the front of Fai's gown again he braced himself, but the second blow never came. When he opened his eyes-when had he closed them?-and looked at him Fai saw hurt in his red eyes. He felt the guilt wrap tight around his heart.

"You are worth it..."

"But-" for the second time that week he found Kurogane's lips on his own. But just as quickly as they had pressed together they were pulled apart.

"Shut up." when they kissed again Fai gave in, he let the feeling of Kurogane's hands in his hair-which was falling out now but Kurogane didn't seem to mind-and the feel of Kurogane's mouth enveloping his own surround him and take over.

But he couldn't stop the tears.

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"You're a match."

Kurogane could not believe his ears.

He was a match...

_He _was a match...

_**Him.**_

He took it all in, this wonderful information. He had always had good luck, he was pretty well known for it by most of the bullies that he beat up, but this was just amazing. He stared at the smiling doctor and felt all of the hope he had had before just pour out of his expression.

"You'll need your parents permission..."

"Can I use your phone?"

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He hated needles to an extreme but he reminded himself that this was for Fai, this was for _Fai_.

But he still ground his teeth as they put in the IV.

When he was lying in the hospital bed being prepped for the operation that would ultimately save Fai's life, he looked away as they injected whatever drug they were using to knock him out into the IV.

_This was for Fai. This was for Fai. This was for Fai...._

A mask covered his face.

He counted backward from ten.

He only made it to four.

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"Why?"

Kurogane just stared at the ceiling, he had already counted the tiles, there were many. The question just hung out there, he closed his eyes. He lay in the bed next to Fai's, it had been a couple of weeks since the operation and his parents visited him every day. And it seemed as if Fai had been asleep during the periods in which Kurogane was awake...or so he had thought.

He didn't answer the question, because he thought that it was obvious. How could Fai _not _know why? When he opened his eyes he turned his head to the right and saw Fai staring right at him. He still looked tired, and weak and scrawny but that was to be expected. His voice, also had been scratchy and weak.

"..."

"Why would you do something like that for a person like me..."

"What are you talking about idiot."

"I-" Fai stopped himself, thinking with his head turned away, before turning back to him.

"I...have always been misfortunate, ever since I was a baby." Fai paused again, and Kurogane just stayed silent. "My mother, she died giving birth to my twin brother and I, and our father ironically enough blamed us for her death and killed himself..." Fai was surprised that Kurogane hadn't said anything yet, he hadn't told many people this story, but all of them had looked at him with pity and tried to comfort him. He could feel the tears well up in his eyes. "Our uncle took us in, luckily enough...but not long after Yuui, my twin was diagnosed with cancer...but..." he bit his lip as the tears leaked out. Ever since he had met Kurogane, it seemed like he was more emotional. "He died...they couldn't find a match, and my uncle refused to let me do it at such a young age and it turned out I couldn't anyway because there was a chance that I also had cancer-" he paused to hiccup through his tears. "And when they diagnosed me with it I thought that I would finally get to see my brother again, we were so close and I miss him so much...but then..." he wiped his eyes "I met you, or to be more precise, saw you. Ever since the first day of school, the first time I saw you I admired you. You were the kind of person that I wanted to be, you were strong and tough and you didn't take crap from anybody and I found myself liking you more and more but I could never get the courage to actually talk to you..."

"And when you came through that door that day I'll admit that I had some stupid, foolish hope that you had noticed me, that you had come to see how I was doing but I was stupid to hope..." He turned his head back to face Kurogane to find that his expression hadn't changed and didn't even realize that he was smiling. Melancholy as it was it was honest. And Kurogane's gaze softened.

"You made me want to live again, and I was scared because I didn't want to care...so I tried to keep my distance but you only got closer...I was stupid, and I was scared because...." Kurogane watched as Fai pushed himself up panting with the effort it took, but did it none the less. He turned to face Kurogane bringing his legs over the edge of the bed he slid off the edge and with energy he was pretty sure Fai didn't have, was able to stand. He took one step toward him and not once did that smile leave his face.

"I know, I know this is going to sound... so stupid... and cheesy... and You're probably... going to hit me for it..." he was out of breath by the time he made it across the gap between their beds and sat down on the edge of Kurogane's bed, panting and shaky. Kurogane pushed himself up, though his whole body was achy and sore and it was harder to breath he did it anyway, and was about to tell the idiot to get back to bed, when Fai looked at him. The look he gave him made him stop, those blue eyes of his radiated with something that Kurogane had never seen before. Fai's smile shrank, but stayed. And it was....happy?

"I am so completely, and deeply head-over-heel's in love with you, and I don't even know why, but I am..." as he stared Fai expected shock, embarrassment any range of emotion that would convey him being uncomfortable, but what he saw made his heart skip a beat.

Kurogane had crossed his legs and rested an elbow on his right knee, his chin rested lazily in his palm, a warm and easy smile on his lips. Fai just stared as Kurogane chuckled and reached out toward him, his hand cupping the back of his head and gently pulled him in. This kiss was different from all the others, and it made Fai feel like crying again and when Kurogane pulled away he kept his hand on the back of his head and rested his forehead against his.

"Idiot..." Fai laughed lightly and his smile couldn't possibly get any brighter. And even though he tried not to he yawned, he rubbed his eyes trying to ward away the sleepiness. Kurogane shook his head and was careful when he gently pulled Fai down onto his bed, the stand with Fai's IV pulling closer to the bed. He kept an arm around him when Fai curled up next to him, one leg over his own and the arm with the IV resting against his chest.

As they both drifted off to sleep, Fai curled up next to him with his face buried deep in his neck and his arm draped lazily across his torso Kurogane realized something. He looked down at Fai whose eyes were drooping, but not quite there yet. He tightened his loose grip around him and closed his eyes.

He would tell Fai he loved him when they woke up.

_~Fin~_

_****_

**AN// Wow...to much fluff for me lol I'm sorry if I made and mistakes, and I'm sorry if any of you don't like it and I'm SO sorry that this took so long to update but this was seventeen pages long, and I wrote it piece by piece during the moments (which were few and far between) when I could get to a computer!**

**I know its cheesy, but deal with it. **

**I was originally going to make this really sad, but I couldn't bring myself to, they've just been through so much and I think CLAMP has tortured them enough for now...I might make a sad one later...maybe. **

**And maybe a lemon when a suitable theme comes up lol**

**Ciao~**


	14. Chapter 14: Smile

**AN// Chapter fourteen, woohoo! Lol "ahem" Short and to the point, because I feel like it lol**

**Oh, and this is for Kuro-sama's smile, not Fai's for a change!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them.**

**Chapter Fourteen: Smile / Summary: **_That rare little something just for him. _

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When was the last time that Fai had been left so breathless? Or the last time he had been so completely floored by something so simple, and yet so very precious? He couldn't remember because everything seemed so far away and he felt so pleasantly light, and yet his feet never left the ground. He thought he might float away.

A part of him wondered why this simple act affected him so. Wondered why it took his breath away and made his heart jump in his chest the way it did. The way he never imagined that it could. Really, he was being silly. It was just a smile, nothing special....okay maybe it was a little special seeing as how the man rarely smiled if at all and the fact that he was smiling at Fai of all people made it all the more special.

Such a rarity it was. Fai found himself wondering to himself why the ninja didn't smile more often. He should. Or at least he thought so. It was so different from that upward pull of the corner of his mouth, that smirk he gives during a battle or that determined grin he gets when he finds something challenging. It was softer and, dare he say it, more gentle?

Fai didn't know why the warrior had suddenly decided to grace him with these little rarities but every time he did, Fai's breath would catch and he'd be filled with air, but his body would remain grounded. And he loved every single one of them.

Fai also noticed that he was more prone to letting one slip through his brooding exterior after sex. When they were both spent and they lay curled around each other limbs draped haphazardly across each other and still lost in each others presence. Fai would soak up the sight of his lover's smile. It was small, but genuine.

And it was just for him.

That smile, so small but so warm that made his heart swell with emotion was just for him.

He pressed himself deeper into the warm body of his lover, his head tucked safely beneath his chin, his mouth and cheek pressed against his warm, tanned skin. And he allowed himself a small, genuine smile.

He hoped that his ninja could feel it.

Because it was just for him.

_**~Fin~**_

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**AN// Told you it was short and to the point. I hope you like it, the next one is titled silence so beware, there may be some angst...**

**Huzzah for plot bunnies! 8D**


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